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Trump Rages At New Whistleblower Transcripts, US Military Aid Withheld Till Ukraine Pays For His Penis Enlargement

Trump Rages At New Whistleblower Transcripts, US Military Aid Withheld Till Ukraine Pays For His Penis Enlargement


The leader of the free world and self declared Braniac and fanny magnet Donald Trump was said to be ‘spitting blood’ at the latest revelations from the as yet unidentified CIA whistleblower.

In the wake of the release of the transcript of a telephone call between President Trump and the Ukraine leader, Volodymyr Zelensky, giving clear evidence that Trump was ‘seeking favours’ from the recently elected Ukrainian president, further telephone call transcripts between the two men have found their way into the public domain.

Zelensky, who up until his recent election victory had a successful career as the world renowned circus clown Beppo, is desperate to secure funds to help fight Russian backed insurgents. In the transcripts of the first call released following a CIA whistleblower’s complaint about the president, the dialogue between Trump and Beppo clearly indicates that the president sought help from the sad faced clown to dig the dirt on the Biden father and son ‘grubby money making’ team.

However, a further call took place later that day and the transcript of this has now found its way into the public domain, probably from the same unnamed CIA whistleblower. For the avoidance of doubt the unnamed whistleblower is a Mrs. H. Clinton, 45 Acacia Avenue, Washington DC.

This latest transcripts of the conversation between the comb-over cretin and Beppo, proves beyond any reasonable doubt that Trump covertly threatened to withhold military aid to the beleaguered, war torn eastern European country unless ‘favours’ were granted to the wily presidential dunce.

Below are extracts from the conversation that prove the president was using the withholding of essential US military aid as leverage for his own gain:

Beppo: So how’s about sending us the Javelin missiles and all the other wonderful American killing crap you promised me, Donny boy?

Trump: Yeah, we’ll get to that, but first I could do with a favour.

Beppo: (Sighs) Okay, what now?

Trump: I need some help to sort out a little personal problem I have.

Beppo: Is this your ‘small hands’ thing again?

Trump: Yeah… I need a little ‘hand’ surgery, y’know… All good pianists have hands that can stretch an octave but mine only gets me from middle C to E. D’you get my drift? Melania’s getting real pissed off with me. She wants Chopin, but with my tiny hands, all I can manage is chopsticks. I hear you’ve got a real good plastic surgeon over there, Vlad the knife. Rumour over here is that he gave Danny DeVito a third ‘leg,’ know what I mean?

Beppo: Okay, okay, I’ll put him on a plane. Now, can I PLEASE have the killing stuff?

Trump: You’ll get your Javelins as soon as I get mine, pal.

Immediately following the emergence of this second transcript into the public domain, Trump instructed his persona lawyer, the swivel eyed lunatic and ex-consigliore from the Godfather Rudy Giuliani, to do the media rounds and rubbish the CIA, the Democrats, and anyone else that doesn’t agree that the cheeseball headed adulterer and king of mendacity is God’s chosen instrument on Earth.

At a hastily assembled press conference Giuliani, still in his Batman onesie, barked at the sleepy-eyed journos, “What’s with you guys? This is the same lefty, pinko, ‘live on your knees’ claptrap we’ve been hearing from the Democrats since the boss and his pals fiddled the election in 2016. Give it a rest, for Chrissakes! It’s all lies, anyway. The boss has an elephant’s trunk down there, so why would he want plastic surgery? Believe me I’ve seen ‘the Trumpinator’ when Donny, Stormy and me used to get naked in the Jacuzzi. Don’t print that for Chrissakes!”


Photo by The Presidential Office of Ukraine | CC-BY-4.0-International

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