Kirstjen Nielsen Caught With 'Bed Head' At DC Motel
Flake News has just learned that our newest Department of Homeland Security Secretary, Kirstjen Nielsen, was spotted entering a DC Motel 6 with Chief of Staff, John F. Kelly.
Our source, who prefers to remain anonymous, waited at the scene for approximately twenty minutes, after which the duo exited the motel.
“She looked like she’d really been worked over, if you know what I mean,” said the source, adding, “Her hair had that – what do you call it – bed head thing going on that women get after a roll in the hay.”
Nielsen, who will go down in U.S. administrative infamy as having two dead immigrant children on her “watch,” has apparently been busy watching Kelly, and he, her.
The couple’s coupling comes as no surprise as POTUS’ Chief of Staff has been an outspoken proponent of Nielsen – who is often referred to as his “protege” -- and is fighting her pending dismissal by his boss, the Apprentice to the Presidency.
The bleached-blonde defender of white supremacists, known for asinine statements like, “It’s not that one side is right, one side is wrong,” as well as her adamant denial that Russia interfered in the 2016 election, is yet one more in the Orange Troll’s coterie of butt kissers. That said, as border arrests are on the rise, indicating an increasing number of illegal immigrants who, no doubt, are “bringing tremendous infectious diseases” with them, Trump will need someone to blame.
A former aide to Nielsen, who was fired for “insubordination,” had this to say about her former boss’s relationship with POTUS: “Sure, she sucks up to him in public, but I’ve heard her say numerous times that he gives her he creeps and that even his dandruff is orange! She especially can’t stand the fact that Trump STILL doesn’t get that the “J” in her name is silent.”
Finally, when asked why Kelly would jeopardize his marriage, as well as his reputation and position by fraternizing with his “protege,” the former aide answered, “What can I say? He likes a good Danish.”
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Art by Sharon Lee Rosenbaum. Copy by Sherry McGuinn