Trump Asks Pope If He's Still Believer In God, Francis Noncommittal
During a Christmas telephone call between the Commander-in-Chief and Pope Francis, Trump made an astounding faux pas by appearing to mix up Santa and the Almighty when he jovially asked Pope Francis if he ‘still believed in God.’
The call to the Vatican was made by Trump after the president had just completed a marathon series of Christmas calls with American children. These had not gone well. The president had made most of the children either cry, hang up, or curse down the line at him. Considering the fact that Mr. Trump claims to be a father himself, evidenced in that he has some dumb and greedy kids that still call him ‘Dad,’ it is inexplicable how he managed to handle the children he spoke to on the phone so ineptly.
Questions he asked these under ten year olds in addition to the now infamous ‘do you still believe in Santa’ included the following:
Trump: Hello, who’s this?
Trump: If you’re an undocumented illegal’s kid, what’s your Mom and Dad’s address?
Trump: Hello little boy, what’s your name?
Kid: I’m not sure I’m a little boy. Sometimes I think I should be a girl.
Trump: Oh Christ! It’s one of those!
Trump: Hi, what’s your name?
Trump: (hand’s phone clumsily to an aide) It’s a freakin’ terrorist’s kid. Get rid of him.
Trump: Hi. Who am I talking to?
Kid: Ivanka, Daddy…
Trump: Oh yeah, sorry honey… (to aide) Is this still being networked? Ha-hem… Have you seen the wonderful range of smart but not cheap jewelry for rich kids on sale this Christmas at my daughter’s pop up store?
Trump: Who’s there now?
Kid: (squeaky pretend childlike voice) Vladimir, Mr. President.
Trump: Your freakin’ money’s on its way! Give me a break. It’s Christmas for Chrissakes!
Trump: Who’s this now?
Trump: That’s an unusual name. Are you from one of those craphole countries?
Republicans and supporters of Trump were quick to jump to the president’s defence pointing out that the call to the Vatican was made immediately following the marathon* telephone session with the children (*it lasted ten minutes).
“it’s not surprising my supreme leader got a little confused,” said VP Pence, when he answered his front door to the press pack dressed in an Albino Santa costume, “It’s easy to confuse the existence or otherwise of the mythical character Santa Claus with the very real existence of God… or is it the other way round?”
The most baffling element in this whole saga was the response by Pope Francis. When asked if he ‘still believed in God,’ the Pontiff’s screamed response was, “Don’t press me on this… I could lose my job!”
Defenders of the Pope issued a statement from the Vatican immediately afterwards. In this it said, “the Pope made a simple slip of the tongue. What he meant was ‘Frankie says yes of course He exists, so keep filling up those silver platters to the brim with your hard earned cash when our guys pass them around the congregation during mass. There’s so much of God’s work still to be done… Frankie needs a new jet. Frankie needs a new Mercedes Pope-Mobile. Frankie’s enormous wine cellar’s depleted after the season’s excesses and needs topping up, and in 2019 Frankie has to settle out of court all those annoying kiddie fiddling cases still outstanding.”