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2018: A Year That's Over

2018: A Year That's Over

For two weeks I contemplated writing a year in review of the craziest stories from the Trump administration. However, narrowing down the choices for a web post proved to be an impossible task. Therefore, I've chosen to recap my favorite stupid news stories about the news.

If you're reading this, I'm working under the assumption you've never watched a complete episode of Fox & Friends. I hadn't either until the Trump interview following the guilty verdicts of Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen.

Fox & Friends airs from 6:00am to 9:00am. I will only get up at 6:00am if my apartment building is on fire. Even then it depends on how close the fire is to my bedroom. Ergo, I recorded Fox & Friends and watched it later that evening. I only planned to watch the Trump interview and fast forward through everything else. However, I found myself watching every stupid minute. If you have never viewed a full episode of Fox & Friends, I highly recommend you do so because it's hilarious.

I shall now recap Fox & Friends for your reading pleasure. The hosts of Fox & Friends are Steve Doocy, some other white guy and some pretty lady with vacant eyes. I only remember Steve Doocy's name because it's fun to say.

They followed two other top stories. The first story was about an ISIS attack in Paris. I was perplexed by this as I had heard nothing of such an attack on the real news. (The real news being what Trump refers to as the fake news.)

The first F&F reporting of the attack claimed an ISIS terrorist killed 3 women in Paris with a knife. And an ISIS leader believed to be dead was actually alive and taking credit for the attack. Halfway through the show the story was updated. The 3 women killed were the mother and sister of the terrorist and some random lady who got in the way. And an ISIS leader believed to be dead was actually alive and taking credit for the attack. The final update of the story came shortly before they went off the air. Paris police confirmed this was not a terrorist attack. The perp was an unstable person who was super angry at his mom, his sister and the random lady who got in the way. And an ISIS leader believed to be dead may be alive, but this is unconfirmed.

The second story F&F followed closely was the murder of a young woman named Mollie Tibbetts in Iowa. I'm a little fuzzy on the details as I got them from the Fox & Friends. Mollie was out jogging and was murdered by an undocumented immigrant. While I'm in favor of deporting murderers, even white ones who were born here, I'm also anti-jogging. Nothing good comes from jogging. Joggers are either attacked or they find a dead body. Every Law & Order starts with a jogger coming across a dead body. And they don't stop running when they find it. They run in place staring at the dead body likes it's completely normal.

The murderer was employed by a farm or a drug store or a bike shop. As I said, the Fox & Friends aren't so clear with the details. What I found particularly interesting was their take on E-Verify. I've had to run numerous E-Verify checks in my line of work, so the ignorance of the Fox & Friends was plainly evident to me.

In the first report of this story, Doocy said the employer ran an E-Verify on the murderer and it came back clear. “No, he didn't, Doocy,” I said to the TV. Upon the next update, the other white guy said the employer ran the “wrong E-Verify.” The “wrong E-Verify” isn't a thing. In the final update of this story, it was revealed the employer didn't run an E-Verfiy check after all. “Yeah, Steve Doocy. I told you that 2 hours ago.”

Now more of the inherent racism of Fox News. Aretha Franklin passed away and Fox News paid tribute with a picture of Patty LaBelle. There is literally no excuse for this. It's not like they had to rush to meet a deadline and made an oopsy. All news organizations have obituaries ready to go for high profile people. And it was publicly known her death was imminent two days before she died. I'm only making this point for people who still believe Fox News is a legit news organization. One must be willfully ignorant to make such a mistake.

NBC finally fired Megyn Kelly. It wasn't much of a shock as everyone saw it coming the moment NBC hired Megyn Kelly. Regardless, I enjoyed the dismissal of Megyn Kelly because I got to rub it in the face of The Most Annoying Person on Earth. To understand my pleasure I need to provide a little background on my association with The Most Annoying Person on Earth.

Back when she was on Fox News, Megyn Kelly once thought it newsworthy to devote a segment of her program to arguing the case that Santa Claus is Caucasian. Which then caused me and my co-workers to joke about it. Which then prompted The Most Annoying Person on Earth to come running down the hall to defend the merits of Megyn Kelly. The Most Annoying Person on Earth was met with laughter. He didn't take it well.

For the rest of the day I was accosted with emails containing links to Wikipedia pages proving Saint Nicholas was a real person and Megyn Kelly knows whereof she speaks. I tried to ignore The Most Annoying Person on Earth, but he was relentless as one would expect The Most Annoying Person on Earth to be. I finally told The Most Annoying Person on Earth that, yes, everyone knows there was a real Saint Nicholas. However, he did not have a flying sleigh and magic reindeer. So you and Megyn Kelly are arguing about a fictional character and being super racist about it. The Most Annoying Person on Earth didn't speak to me for a week and it was lovely.

It may be worth noting The Most Annoying Person on Earth is gay. He is in an interracial relationship. He is republican. One of these things is not like the others.

In October Megyn Kelly suggested on the Today show that it's okay for white kids to wear blackface to dress up like Diana Ross on Halloween. And I got to say to The Most Annoying Person on Earth, “Oh, we can't have a black Santa, but we can have a white Diana Ross? Diana Ross is a real person. Check Wikipedia.”

It's ridiculous to think blackface is okay, but it's also really stupid to think there are children dressing up as Diana Ross for Halloween.

While I'm on the subject, what's up with the Today show? First they fire Matt Lauer for being a creeper. Then they fire Megyn Kelly for being a racist. Yet, Kathie Lee and Hoda go on the air drunk every morning without incident. It's weird is all I'm saying.

This brings me to Meet The Press. I don't like Chuck Todd. I don't have any stupid news moment for this. He just annoys me. And his goatee is hideous.

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