UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Mad Money

Mad Money

Recently I was accosted with this little gem of intelligence on Facebook.

“The IRS has returned my tax return to me this year after I apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly...... In response to the question, “Do you have anyone dependent on you?” I wrote, “9.5 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 3.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Washington.” The IRS stated the answer I gave was “unacceptable!” I then wrote back ”Who did I leave out???”

I know the author of this post was attempting to make a humorous point. Since I spend a lot of my spare time making humorous points, I feel it my obligation to provide some constructive criticism to the unknown author. Please excuse me while I write an open letter to whomever.

Dear Whoever You Are,

Several years ago, Fox News aired a comedy program intending to be the conservative answer to The Daily Show. It didn't work for one very simple reason. You can't be clever and stupid at the same time.

Allow me to point out the many things wrong in your post.

First of all, you've never done your own taxes. It's obvious. There is no question which reads, “Do you have anyone dependent on you?” It's poorly worded.

It's unclear as to how you're supporting illegal immigrants. I thought they were here stealing jobs from real Americans, or rather, white people. I think this takes us back to my first point. You've never filed a tax return. Because you've never had a job. And it's easier to blame immigrants than admit you're too stupid to function.

And you are really underestimating crackheads. These people are often unemployed and homeless, yet manage to support a habit that can cost them upwards of a thousand dollars a day. Say what you will about them, but they know how to get what they want. We could all learn a thing or two from crackheads.

Unemployment is funded by employers, not by individual tax payers. And I don't understand why Trump supporters are whining about unemployment. You're the people claiming all your jobs are being stolen. You may have to rely on unemployment at some point. Let's face it. You're not as smart as the average crackhead.

The United States has the only for profit prison system in the world. Criminals are actually supporting you. And they do a lot of work for twelve cents an hour. We all agree to adopt a highway to look good in front of others, but we have no intention of showing up. Prisoners are out there picking up litter every Saturday just so they can save up enough money to buy a Pepsi.

And finally, Whoever You Are, you really need to work on your punctuation. It's atrocious. You never end a sentence with three question marks. It's obnoxious and distracting. You stepped on your own punchline with excessive punctuation.

Warm Regards,

Jennifer Loy

 

Photo by Tulane Public Relations | CC-BY-2.0

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