PewDiePie Announced To Headline Unite The Right 2019
Outlandish world famous vblogger PewDiePie has been announced as the headlining act for 2019's Unite the Right rally. Multiple media outlets have linked the infamous YouTube gamer to white nationalism and Nazism based on several "jokes" he made involving Hitler and the extermination of the juice. The Swedish-born internet sensation denies association with any hate groups, but told Flake News reporters that he's "very hyped for [an unnamed] event in Charlottesville in the upcoming year where [he] can finally achieve what [PewDiePie] has set out for since [he] started making videos."
PewDiePie admitted to Flake News reporters that he is indeed alt-right, stating that "all those publications are correct. PewDiePie is alt-right."
Media outlets ranging from The Wall Street Journal to Vox have cast shade on PewDiePie for some offensive videos that contained anti-Semitic humor which provided his more than 66 million YouTube subscribers a bridge to alt-right ideology. This media response sets a new precedent, showing that only cartoon comedy shows like Family Guy and South Park can make jokes about Nazism and Jewish people, but live-action comedy acts like PewDiePie is where the line is drawn. So, if you're thinking of being an internet edgelord, you better make sure it's in cartoon form.
"They were all right. All those publications are correct. PewDiePie is alt-right. One hundred percent," said the Swede with millions of internet followers around the globe. "You are wrong to compare me to shows like South Park and Family Guy. I have an army of PewDies that span the globe. And I could have them marching on every capital city across the world at the drop of a dime. I run this. You think I was in this for the video games? You were all just fools playing into my game."
During the interview, PewDiePie was able to sniff out this Flake News reporter's Jewish ancestry, saying that he has "a knack for things such as those. I know Jeuden. Yes, that is something I know all too well."
"Your Jewish side is from your mother, am I correct?" asked PewDiePie, correctly calling out my maternal lineage. "You see, I have a talent for distinguishing these things, yes? And now that I have the most YouTube subscribers in the whole world, my mission is nearly complete. PEWDIEPIE!"
Photo by camknows from Maple Valley, WA, USA | CC0 1.0 Universal Public Domain Dedication