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Boris Johnson Amends Milkshake Act of 2019, Adds Milkshake Buyback Program Effective Immediately

Boris Johnson Amends Milkshake Act of 2019, Adds Milkshake Buyback Program Effective Immediately

British Donald Trump look-a-like Boris Johnson announced that his first act as prime minister of the United Kingdom would be to "get all these bloody milkshake issues settled out, gov'na."

Johnson told the international Flake press that "myself and the parliament have amended the Milkshake Act of 2019 to include a provision which stipulates the immediate seizure of milkshakes and milkshake products by British law enforcement throughout the United Kingdom."

The British political class within parliament reportedly didn't think the mandatory licenses stipulated in the original provisions of the Milkshake Act of 2019 was severe enough for the British public. This comes after incidents involving political figures Nigel Farage and Carl Benjamin, better known as Sargon of Akkad, who were both pelted with milkshakes during violent yet frosty protests.

"We didn't want these milkshake hooligans to come for us next," said an anonymous member of UK's parliament. "It may be funny to see your political opponent get milkshaked, but what about you? What happens if happens to you then? What happens when they come for your mum with a shake in their hand? It's not bloody good, I'll tell ya that."

Britain's new prime minister was reportedly placed in his position for looking the most like Donald Trump, according to multiple anonymous sources. He succeeded their grey-haired Hillary Clinton, better known as Theresa May, who was formerly replaced from her position as prime minister in late July.

The British government is willing to give £5 for every milkshake delivered to authorities, no matter the size or flavor. However, if the milkshake has sprinkles in it, recipients will receive a check worth £6. Sprinkles is considered especially dangerous in the United Kingdom.

As a result of this new ruling laid out by Johnson, anyone in possession of a milkshake or milkshake products after July 2019 will be arrested and face a felony charge.

 

Photo by GOV.UK | OGL v.3

What White Nonsense Is This?

What White Nonsense Is This?

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Sans Regret