Pence Shields Erection While Visiting Dozens Of Unwashed Detained Men
Earlier today, Vice President Mike Pence was uncomfortable while visiting dozens of unwashed detained men at the border. Pence said it was completely involuntary but did in fact pop a boner. The VP was reportedly overwhelmed by the dank musk of the male migrants.
This then caused Pence’s hormones to take control, in turn formulating the erection. The Vice President then acted quickly; eye Witnesses say they saw Pence do the ol’ flip-the-boner-under-the-waist-portion-of-his-pants to hide it. Pence then quickly exited the facility, joking on the way out how this reminded him of his high school wrestling days.
"Nothing disgusting is being covered up at the southern border. That also goes double for the Vice President's southern border too," Pence's intern told us while giving an obvious wink.
The migrants, who have been housed there for months with no showers and barely any food, did not see the incident — although they have now heard rumors of Pence’s penile problem. As punishment, the White House has delayed the migrants’ appearances in front of a judge, downgrading them from “unlikely” to “never.”
We will update you if anything else arises.
Photo by David Shankbone | CC-BY-2.0