Fast-talking circus midget Ben Shapiro was accepted into the Lollipop Guild on Tuesday, according to a report from The Daily Tire. Shapiro will reportedly set aside his busy schedule of sucking eggs to fulfill the obligations of the guild.
Shapiro is reportedly very fond of rainbow lollies despite his feelings towards the transgender community and despite his preference of facts above said feelings.
"Everybody in the Lollipop Guild is just great. I feel right at home," said Shapiro in Tuesday's edition of The Daily Tire. "No one makes fun of my height. No one tells me what pronouns I should use or shouldn't use. And most importantly of all, we all want to bomb Iran."
The Lollipop Guild reportedly has a very hostile relationship with the mullahs of Iran. The Guild loathes them so much that they'd also be willing to mash them and kill hundreds if necessary (much like Shapiro), whether it's because of a downed unmanned military drone or over a stolen lollipop.
"Facts don't care about your feelings," said Shapiro. "But lollipops do."
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America | CC-BY-SA-2.0