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Top Gun

Did you know that more Americans watch NBC News than any other news organization in the world? They have a commercial that says so. That being the case, I’d like to take a moment to tell NBC to get their act together for the 2020 election coverage. For instance, perhaps they should reign in Chuck Todd before they have another Matt Lauer on their hands. I’m not saying Chuck Todd is a sexual predator because I have no evidence of that. And also, gross. But he does seem to have an ego that desperately needs deflating.

And also, NBC got off the hook way too easy with the whole Matt Lauer thing. How did they not know they were paying a sexual predator an eight figure salary? NBC News produced a show literally called “To Catch A Predator.”

I think it my duty as a concerned citizen to remind everyone what can happen when Matt Lauers are allowed to flourish. Please join me in a journey back to the year 2016. NBC News decided it would be a good idea to produce a Commander in Chief Forum where the candidates could address the concerns of military personnel. And it was a good idea until they chose Matt Lauer to host. This is what happened:

Matt Lauer: Good evening. I'm Matt Lauer. We're on a plane. We have soldiers. Let's do this. Please welcome Hillary Clinton.

Hillary Clinton: Hi, Matt. It's great to be here tonight. Thank you for doing this.

ML: Mrs. Clinton, I'm going to address you as Mrs. Clinton even though I'm fully aware I should be addressing you by your proper title, Secretary Clinton. I'm a prick like that. Ask Ann Curry.

HRC: Whatever.

ML: I'm going to ask you a question and tell you how to answer it. Tell us what qualifies you to be president, without insulting your opponent, to the best of your ability. I understand 'to the best of your ability' may sound condescending, but you're a woman. What is the most important characteristic that a commander in chief can possess?

HRC: Steadiness combined with the strength to make hard decisions. You want a president who is able to sort out –

ML: I'm going to interrupt and put words in your mouth. You're talking about judgment. The segue I've prepared doesn't work if you don't say judgment.

HRC: Yes, of course, it's important for the president to have good judgment.

ML: Aha! You said judgment. Wasn't your private e-mail server an example of poor judgment?

HRC: Matt, I'm going to repeat what you already know because I've been answering this question for a year. No top secret information went through my e-mail server. The FBI report backs it up.

ML: Did you talk about the super secret covert drone program?

HRC: No top secret information was communicated through my private e-mail server. When I was in Pakistan –

ML: Shut up. It's time for me to interrupt. Pakistan. You communicated with your private e-mail when you were overseas. Director Comey said it's possible you could have been hacked.

HRC: The director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation investigated and found no evidence of hacking.

ML: Let's go to Hallie Jackson in the audience with a question from a vet.

Hallie Jackson: Yeah, I'm here with a soldier.

Soldier: Secretary Clinton, the producers told me to ask you about e-mails and classified information.

HRC: Let me try to clarify what I just told Matt. I take classified information very seriously. When I was overseas, I went into a tent –

ML: Let us move on, because you're not answering the question the way I want you to. Mrs. Clinton, you said your vote for the war in Iraq was a mistake. A lot of these people served in Iraq. Don't you think it makes them feel bad when you say it was a mistake?

HRC: It was a mistake. We need to learn from it so that we never go down that road again. Now, I'm going to list all the good works I've done for the military. Death benefits for gold star families, suicide prevention –

ML: Shut up. I have a question about that I planned to ask later.

HRC: I've taken responsibility for my decision in the Iraq war. Trump denies he was in favor of the war. He told Howard Stern he was for it and –

ML: Let's move on. That question didn't break you like I'd hoped. Hallie, give us another soldier.

Hallie: Matt, I'm here with a lady soldier.

Lady Soldier: Secretary Clinton, you're perceived as being hawkish. I don't want to die. What will you do about that?

HRC: Military action is a last resort, not a first choice. With respect to Libya –

ML: I'm going to jump in here. Let's talk about the Iran Nuclear Deal. You expect the Iranians to cheat, right? Won't we have to go to war, then?

HRC: When we began talks with the Iranians, they were on a fast track to nuclear weapons. What we have been able to accomplish –

ML: You think they'll cheat?

HRC: Please stop interrupting me. It's very important for people to understand this.

ML: Please answer quickly. We can't preempt “America's Got Talent” for this.

HRC: We've locked down their nuclear weapons program, but they're involved in other shenanigans we've got to keep an eye on.

ML: Hallie, give us another soldier.

HRC: Matt, I'm here with a soldier.

Soldier: Secretary Clinton, you said the problems with the VA aren't as widespread as they seem. Please explain.

HRC: I was speaking about the agenda to privatize the VA, which is what Trump wants to do. I plan to have weekly meetings to improve the care of our soldiers--

ML: I'm going to jump in here. Let's talk about the suicide rate among veterans. How are you going to stop it?

HRC: I tried to talk about that earlier and you interrupted me.

ML: I didn't want to talk about it then.

HRC: We need to de-stigmatize mental –

ML: Let's go to Hallie Jackson with another soldier.

Hallie: I'm here with a soldier.

Soldier: Secretary Clinton, how will you decide if and when to deploy troops to defeat ISIS?

ML: Answer as briefly as you can. “America's Got Talent” has to start promptly at nine.

HRC: When I became Secretary of State –

ML: Thank you very much for your question. Mrs. Clinton, we're running out of time and I have a very stupid question I worked hard on all week. Would your message as president be the reality is that terror attacks on American soil are going to happen and there's nothing we can do about it? And can you guarantee that America will be safer after four years of a Clinton presidency?

HRC: Well, Matt, those are actually two stupid questions. I'm not going to promise something most thinking people realize is a challenge. I've put together a counter terrorism coalition –

ML: You have thirty seconds left, and I still need to remind the audience to tune into “America's Got Talent” tonight. Remember to vote for your favorite act or they won't make it to the finale. Don't miss out on your chance to vote for the winner of “America's Got Talent.”

HRC: Uh, okay. As I was saying, we need a strong online presence to –

ML: And we're out of time. Thank you for being here tonight, Mrs. Clinton.

We'll be right back with Donald Trump after this short break.

***Stay tuned for America's Got Talent following the Commander in Chief Forum***

Matt Lauer: We're back. Please welcome Donald Trump. Mr. Trump, thank you for being here. I'm going to ask you to keep the personal attacks to a minimum.

Donald Trump: Why?

ML: Just please do it. What have you experienced that prepares you to be commander in chief?

DJT: I run a successful business. I travel all over the world. I work with China, who is totally taking advantage of us, by the way. We're losing to China like no one has ever seen before. I call the shots when I'm in China. I have good judgment. I watched you interview Hillary Clinton, so I know you want to hear about judgment. I have very, very tremendous judgment. I heard Hillary say that I wasn't against the Iraq war. Not true. I said the Iraq war was going to destabilize the foreign lands. You can look at an interview I gave to Esquire magazine in 1998. I didn't say a single thing about going to war with Iraq. Not a single thing. You can look at interviews I gave before that even. I never talked about going to war with Iraq. If I thought war in Iraq was a good idea, I would have talked about it.

ML: Recently, you said that you regretted things you've said in the heat of the moment. Doesn't that make you a risky candidate?

DJT: Sure, I regret things, but I won. So to a certain extent, I don't regret. I defeated sixteen people. That's never happened before in the history of republicans, politics or Americans. I got the most votes of anybody who's ever run against sixteen people before. I ran a history-making campaign, Matt. Did you see what just happened in Mexico? I went to Mexico. Did you see that? I went to Mexico and I told them, I said, "We're America." Mexico is changed forever now. Nothing like this has ever happened before.

ML: You once said you will always tell the truth.

DJT: It's true.

ML: You said you know more about ISIS than the generals. Is that true?

DJT: Under the leadership of Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton, the generals have been reduced to rubble with no understanding of what it takes to defeat ISIS. It's a total disaster, okay. We need change, Matt, and certain of the generals, in part because of Barrack Obama, are weak. It's a total embarrassment.

ML: Let's go to Hallie Jackson with a soldier.

Hallie: I'm here with a soldier.

Soldier: Mr. Trump, assuming we do defeat ISIS, what is your plan to ensure another group like them doesn't come back?

DJT: What happened was, we go into these countries and we don't know what to do with them when we're done. Like, it's a mess. Iraq was destabilized, and the way Obama went out of Iraq – I always said we shouldn't be in Iraq, but if we're going to be there anyway, take the oil. Because what happened was we left Iraq and we left the oil and ISIS formed because we didn't take the oil. So, like I've always said, and I think you know because you've been watching me for a long time, I always said we shouldn't be in Iraq, but as long as we're there, take the oil.

ML: How would we take the oil?

DJT: We leave a certain group there who's in charge of oil in certain sections where the oil is. So that's how you do it. You take the oil.

ML: You've said you won't tell us your plan for defeating ISIS. Yesterday, you said you're going to convene with your generals and give them thirty days to come up with a plan for defeating ISIS. Is your plan to ask someone else for a plan?

DJT: No. I have a plan, but I'm also going to listen to other people's plans and maybe we'll go with my plan. Maybe we'll go with their plan if I like it. Maybe we'll combine the plans. I'm not going to call you up and say, "Matt, I've got a tremendous plan. You won't believe it." Barrack Obama does that. He calls Matt Lauer every time he makes a plan and that's the problem with our foreign policy. No offense, Matt, but you're on TV. So, if I call you with a plan, then you're going to tell your audience my plan and everyone will know my plan. So maybe it'll be my plan. Maybe it'll be the generals' plan. Unpredictability is the key.

ML: But you've said you know more than the generals.

DJT: Matt. Matt, it'll be different generals probably. Also, I'm going to be looking back at the plans of some of the great, great generals. Like General MacArthur, General Patton and General Tso. General Tso has a chicken named after him. You don't get your own chicken without having been one of the great, great generals. General Tso was one of the great Chinese generals. The Chinese are very, very smart and sneaky and we're losing to them badly. And, look, I could be president. Make America great again, okay. That's what I'm doing.

ML: You recently had your first security briefing. I'm going to ask you about it because I know you won't be able to resist saying something you're not supposed to. I'm going to remind you not to go into detail so no one will be able to pin this security breach on me. Did you learn anything in that briefing that shocked you?

DJT: Yes. Barrack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John Kerry, who I forgot to talk about earlier and is also a total disaster, haven't been listening to our top security officials. Our intelligence people are not happy with them at all. Like, I'm good with the body language, okay. I always win at charades. And what I got from the body language was that Barrack Obama, Hillary Clinton and John Kerry have been doing the opposite of what our intelligence officials have asked them to do. Our intelligence community is very, very unhappy with our leadership. That I can tell you.

ML: Let's go to Hallie Jackson with another soldier.

Hallie: You don't want to ask a follow-up question to that, Matt?

ML: Hallie.

Hallie: Yeah, I'm here with a lady soldier.

Lady Soldier: Mr. Trump, do you believe undocumented immigrants who want to serve in the military should be able to stay in the country?

DJT: Yeah, that's special. I'll work something out.

ML: Let's go to Hallie Jackson with another soldier.

Hallie: I'm here with another soldier.

Soldier: Mr. Trump, what steps would you take to negotiate with Mr. Putin?

DJT: I would get along well with many, many foreign leaders. It's sad when Barrack Obama visits China and he has to use the stairs that mechanics use to get off the plane. I mean, they wouldn't give him proper president stairs. A president shouldn't be using the same stairs as mechanics. It sends a very, very strong message that we're weak. I think I would get along well with Putin. Did you see the planes? Russia's planes circled one of our planes in a very taunting manner. When Barrack Obama and Putin look at each other, it's like, it's a bad situation. I think it would be great if I got along with Putin and we would knock the hell out of ISIS. I mean, when I look at President Obama and I look at Putin, it's like, what the hell is going on? You know? And Barrack Obama went to Saudi Arabia and Cuba and, I don't know, but Air Force One has a long history that is being disgraced. It's called diplomatic, okay.

ML: Vladimir Putin called you brilliant and you said that was nice.

DJT: Look, if he says nice things about me, I'm going to say nice things about him. I'm a negotiator, okay. I'm one of the great negotiators. Calling me brilliant isn't going to get him anywhere, but he's one of the great leaders. I don't like the way he runs his country, but he's a strong leader. He's stronger than Barrack Obama. And when Hillary Clinton has e-mails and we don't know what they say.... We're going to take our country back. We're failing miserably, and it doesn't matter what Putin says, but possibly, anything is possible, we're going to get along. And you can say, "Oh, isn't that terrible." But look at Barrack Obama.

ML: Let's go to Hallie Jackson with another soldier.

Hallie: I'm here with a soldier.

Soldier: Mr. Trump, you talk a lot about supporting veterans, but I haven't heard any actual plans. What are your plans to support veterans?

DJT: I have a great relationship with the vets. You can see in the polls, I'm doing well with the vets. A poll just came out today where my numbers are through the roof with the vets. We're going to cut down wait times. By the way, people are dying while they're waiting in line. Hillary Clinton said the VA is fine. She made up a lot of stuff about me. Even if some of it happens to be true, it's not. And, by the way, I have no plans to privatize the VA. But, if you're waiting in line for six or seven days, I say, go to a private practice. Go see the doctor. Get your prescription or whatever. Get well.

ML: We're going to Hallie Jackson with another solder.

Hallie: I'm here with another soldier.

Soldier: Mr. Trump, what is your plan to stop twenty veterans a day from killing themselves?

DJT: Part of it is they're killing themselves because they have to wait to see a doctor. Did you hear what I said before about going to a private hospital? The VA is corrupt. They need help and we're going to make it efficient. But if you can't see the doctor, then go to a private hospital. It's tragic and I can't believe it's happening in this country. But if they go to a private hospital, perhaps they have their own room and they're given ginger ale and a fruit cup.

ML: We have time for one more question. Let's go to Hallie Jackson.

Hallie: I'm here with a soldier.

Soldier: What would you do to support the victims of sexual assault in the military?

ML: You once tweeted, "26,000 unreported sexual assaults in the military – only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?"

DJT: Well, it's a correct tweet, Matt.

ML: What kind of research are you doing to prepare for the possibility of becoming President of the United States?

DJT: I have a list of eighty-eight generals. It's in my pocket, look. And also, don't forget, I'm running a campaign. I'm running a business. So, I'm learning a lot, but also, I have common sense. So, I'll listen to the generals and the admirals, but also, my children are helping. So, I think I bring a lot to the table.

ML: Will you be prepared on day one to tackle complex national security issues?

DJT: Hey, Matt, don't forget, Hillary Clinton made a terrible mistake with Libya and the management of after that happened. We have great management talent. I'm totally prepared to manage things. I've been managing things and been interested in things my whole life.

ML: If you're elected, have you given any thought to the moment when you'll have to make the decision to put the men and women of our armed forces in harm's way?

DJT: Matt, I prefer to make my decisions on the fly. I go with my gut. My gut is usually right. And my gut is very, very cautious. Unlike, Hillary Clinton, who has a happy trigger. We're talking about death. Thousands and thousands of deaths. Who do you want to make that decision? A cautious gut or a happy trigger?

ML: I think you mean a happy trigger finger. That's the saying.

DJT: Oh, is it? Who cares? Our military is a mess. I mean, they're great people, but under the current leadership, it's a total disaster. I'm going to make America great again. I'm going to make America strong again. I'm going to make America one nation under Trump with a cautious gut, but also, with a brave heart. Which is a great movie, by the way, “Braveheart.” Have you seen it? With Mel Gibson? When I think of what the politically correct, corrupt media has done to Mel Gibson. I mean, here's a guy who had a great career. And just because he said something that isn't exactly politically correct, his career is over. Just like that, folks. And now, they're making a “Lethal Weapon” TV series, and Mel isn't going to be in it. Our country is a total disaster. I'm the only one who can fix it.

ML: The republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. Thank you for being here.

I want to thank all the Vets for being here tonight. Thanks to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. To those of you watching at home, remember, voting is one of the most important decisions you'll ever get to make. So, vote for the winner of “America's Got Talent,” coming up next on NBC.


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