UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Justice Department Seeks To Bring Back 'Summary Executions'

Justice Department Seeks To Bring Back 'Summary Executions'

A legal brief being drafted by the Department of Justice is said to advocate the use of ‘summary execution’, in which a person accused of a crime is immediately put to death without a trial, as ‘an idea whose time has come again’.

According to a high-ranking official within the administration, Attorney General William Barr has been asked by the White House to 'provide guidelines to rapidly bring to justice any person plainly guilty of a heinous federal crime or, in some cases, about to be charged with one.'

The source, speaking off the record, said the White House position was that “people are tired of seeing obviously guilty cases meander their way through the justice system. At some point you’re past proving the person, or group, did it.”

The official cited the 2011 shooting of Representative Gabby Giffords as an example. In that case the shooter, Jared Loughner, was identified and captured moments after he had killed six and injured others. He was eventually sentenced to life in prison rather than the death penalty.

A ‘silent petition’ is said to be circulating among career members of the DOJ objecting to the idea on both legal and moral grounds. Barr, however, has made clear his position that "due process works both ways. Unlike revenge, justice is best served warm.”

President Trump, according to an official who asked not to be identified for fear of being forced to sit at the ‘kiddie table’ during White House functions, believes this could become a central platform in his 2020 reelection campaign.

The president is also considering other “out of the norm polices that align with his base and undecided voters in the coveted under educated, resentful and easily misled demographics. Examples Trump has put forth include moving the Second Amendment into first place, removing speed limits on federal highways and opening the foyer of the White House as a public mall with dining and retail outlets.

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

Top 5 Hottest Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Summer Fantasies

Top 5 Hottest Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Summer Fantasies

Amazon Has Its Own T-1000 And It's Searching For Andrew Yang

Amazon Has Its Own T-1000 And It's Searching For Andrew Yang