UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Fox News Won’t Stop Calling Sam Wilson 'Captain Is-This-The-America-You-Really-Want-To-Live-In'

Fox News Won’t Stop Calling Sam Wilson 'Captain Is-This-The-America-You-Really-Want-To-Live-In'

Thanos has come and gone. Somehow after the “second snap” we still have an orange space alien threatening violence. That’s another problem for another time. The current trouble torturing The Avengers is very minor: Fox News won’t stop calling America’s New Captain America ‘Captain Is-This-The-America-You-Really-Want-to-Live-In”.

As the world now knows, Steve Rodgers handed the title of Captain America to Sam Wilson. Wilson is a former Air Force pilot fighting crime as superhero The Falcon. He’s been Cap’s trusted partner for years, and whether it was punching Nazis in the face or punching Space-Nazis in the face, Sam Wilson has proven worthy to be our country’s new Captain America.

Fox News seems to have a problem with the pigmentation of our new protector, as they won’t stop saying “Not My Captain" and Captain “Is this the America you want to live in?”

It all started with Laura Ingraham, who has said “Heil Hydra!” more than a few times on live television. Ingraham was so outraged by the news of the passing of the shield to Sam Wilson that her bleach blonde hair turned ghost white in shock.

Then Tucker Carlson could not stop himself, sitting on his show for the full hour with his mouth wide open looking at the new photos released of Sam Wilson in the iconic Captain America costume. Fox News has been running stories non-stop for the past 72 hours, lambasting the news as a travesty to our country — only taking brief breaks to try and sell the elderly reverse-mortgage scams.

“I think I can handle this. I don’t need a vibranium shield to protect me from these fools,” Wilson told us as he prepared to fight an army of death robots.

We will update you with emerging details, especially when Fox News realizes three of the leading members of The Avengers are going to be black men.

 

Photo by David Shankbone  |  CC-BY-2.0

Bilingual Skateboarder Beto O'Rourke Given Telemundo Special: iBeto! En Español

Bilingual Skateboarder Beto O'Rourke Given Telemundo Special: iBeto! En Español

Elizabeth Warren Announces Rachel Dolezal As Her 2020 Running Mate

Elizabeth Warren Announces Rachel Dolezal As Her 2020 Running Mate