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Republicans Reason For Anti-Abortion Laws: Help Needed For Red Rover On Southern U.S. Border

Republicans Reason For Anti-Abortion Laws: Help Needed For Red Rover On Southern U.S. Border

Several U.S. states have been working to pass laws making it difficult for women to receive abortions for their unwanted pregnancies. Legislation being introduced outlaw abortion with very limited exceptions: the mother’s life must be at stake and the abortion cannot exceed 6-18 weeks of pregnancy.

Rape victims do not meet an exception in several states and abortions performed against the law carry first-degree murder charges. Alabama passed a very restrictive abortion bill and many states are pushing towards similar legislation. These states include Louisiana, Mississippi, Ohio, Georgia, Missouri, Kentucky, Arkansas, Utah, Iowa, South Carolina, West Virginia, Florida, and Texas.

The nation is in outrage over the political movement since it violates women’s right to choose what happens to their own body. Along with the basic human right perspective, Americans everywhere are outraged at the fact that the legislators of said states are predominantly male – the one half of the human race incapable of understanding the feeling of being with child.

Shockingly, Republican legislators have come forward to speak on their reasoning for their advances. The reason has nothing to do with protection of life, but more so as a strategy for domestic security. For more insight, I spoke to Alabama governor Kay Ivey.

“Alright, let’s be frank – the wall on the U.S. Border is expensive as hell,” stated Ivey. “Humans are basically free, so we’ll need more of them to be born.”

I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant by this. What do humans have to do with the expense of the border wall? When asked to clarify, Ivey had this to say:

“Our plan is simple: Red. Rover. Remember that game? Instead of prison, unruly civilians will be sentenced to standing across the entire southern U.S. border, linked by their hands. We got just over a mile of wall for $1.7 billion, this plan will be more efficient. We’ll need more babies.”

Alright, there are a lot of holes in this strategy, so I had a couple more questions for Ivey. First, I asked about the cost of feeding a human wall.

“Not my stomach, not my problem. People should be capable of feeding themselves, for Christ’s sake. We already gave them the right to be born, now we have to feed them? Give me some slack.” Ivey scoffed at the idea of feeding her hypothetical prisoners.

This whole thing is very nonsensical. Is she being serious? Am I on a Sacha Baron Cohen project right now? I wasn’t sure, but I had one more question: What if an illegal immigrant broke through the wall?

“Oh, well it’s red rover. That just means they join the other team.”

 
Calling B.S.

Calling B.S.

Mr. President, You Are Infuriating: Annoying Habits Of US Presidents

Mr. President, You Are Infuriating: Annoying Habits Of US Presidents