UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Mr. President, You Are Infuriating: Annoying Habits Of US Presidents

Mr. President, You Are Infuriating: Annoying Habits Of US Presidents

Just because you’re the leader of the free world, does not mean you aren’t pissing people off. Here’s a list of the most annoying habits held by each POTUS.

• George Washington - Rode with his feet on the cushion fall of the carriage. Ghastly!

• John Adams – Did you know he graduated from Harvard? He would have certainly told you at every given opportunity.

• Thomas Jefferson – Touched the wall as he walked down the corridor.

• James Madison – Groomed his fingernails in public.

• James Monroe – Genuinely thought it was spelled “alot”.

• John Q Adams – Mumbled.

• Andrew Jackson – Didn’t like dogs.

• Martin Van Buren – Asked negative questions. “Are you not going to fetch my pipe?” and so on.

• William H. Harrison – Had no clue how to refold the map.

• John Tyler – Made mouth noises like “doot doot doot” to fill silences.

• James K. Polk – Had a dog with his wife, Sarah. Referred to himself as the dog’s “daddy”.

• Zachary Taylor – Leg shaker.

• Millard Fillmore – Close talker.

• Franklin Pierce – Needed two spaces to park the carriage. Often parked the carriage at an angle.

• James Buchanan – Offered unsolicited advice to pretty much everyone. Just because you’re the president doesn’t mean you get to tell people what kind of mustache wax to use.

• Abraham Lincoln – Gently mouthed the words while reading. Adorable, but annoying.

• Andrew Johnson – Took the garment off of the hanger, and left the naked hangers intermixed with other garments. THEN had the balls to wonder where all the hangers were.

• Ulysses S. Grant – Left his tack and grooming box scattered all over the barn. Your mom does not work here, Ulysses!

• Rutherford B. Hayes – Would telegraph over the operator. Like, seriously…STOP telegraphing for a minute! You’re jamming the lines!

• James Garfield – Spilled everything he ate down the front of his vest.

• Chester Arthur – Left the lamp burning every time he left a room. Kerosene doesn’t grow on trees, Chester!

• Grover Cleveland – Always made the maître d’ repeat the specials.

• Benjamin Harrison – Licked his finger before turning a page or counting money.

• William McKinley – Really liked to brag about his horses’ pedigree, and was super douchey about it.

• Theodore Roosevelt – Tried to carry on conversations with people from adjacent rooms. Often heard from his wife, Edith: “You have two good legs, Theodore, use them! No one can hear you bellowing from the parlor.”

• William H. Taft – Often called up the wrong trump and screwed his partner royally.

• Woodrow Wilson – Mid tube squeezer. The worst!

• Warren Harding – Left his socks in an inside-out wad after taking them off. Left these sock donuts all over the house.

• Calvin Coolidge – Did not honor the unwritten “splash zone” rule, and would stand next to other gents at the urinal. Evidence suggests that Coolidge was also the first to use the phrase, “Have a good one” with regularity.

• Herbert Hoover – Initiated the “What do you want to do for dinner? / I don’t know…” conversation every night of the week. Rumor has it that his wife, Lou, hired a group of Argentinian rebels to assassinate Hoover during a stay in South America for this very reason.

• Franklin D. Roosevelt – Also tried to carry on conversations from adjacent rooms but did not have two good legs, so people let it slide. He did have a tendency to fart in public, which he tried to blame on the polio, but everyone knew that was a load of bologna.

• Harry S. Truman – Clicked his retractable pen like he invented the habit, because he literally did. He was given the new invention as a gift in 1950 by the Frawley Pen Company, and clicked his head off from then on.

• Dwight Eisenhower – Snooped in every bathroom he entered. No medicine cabinet or drawer was left unturned.

• John F. Kennedy – Would never settle on a radio station, just sat there turning the dial. Thought that if he kept searching, he’d eventually land at the start of the perfect song and be in radio heaven for the rest of his days. Kind of like that with women too, but that’s a different list.

• Lyndon Johnson – Used books as a coaster. Dog-eared pages instead of using a book mark. Put books face down to hold his page instead of just using a book mark. What do you have against bookmarks, Mr. Johnson?

• Richard Nixon - Peed with the door open. Every. Single. Time.

• Gerald Ford – Started phone calls with a loud “Hi!” (emphasis on the H sound).

• Jimmy Carter – When in doubt, throw in an apostrophe. Or a Comma. Or both.

• Ronald Reagan – Would not adjust the tracking on the VCR. Would just sit there with squiggly lines on the screen until someone finally fixed it.

• George H.W. Bush – “Say, Barbara….Wouldn’t it be great if there were a way to signal to other drivers that you intend to turn, or change lanes?”

• Bill Clinton – Who gets off the elevator first? Who gets on first? Bill does not know.

• George W. Bush – Pronounces it “po-TAH-to” to sound “SO-phisticated”.

• Barack Obama – Very aggressive keyboard/mouse user; loudly smacks the mouse when clicking and types like he’s on an old Olivetti. Chill out, man! You’re writing an email, not a manifesto.

• Donald Trump – Continues to be alive.

 

Republicans Reason For Anti-Abortion Laws: Help Needed For Red Rover On Southern U.S. Border

Republicans Reason For Anti-Abortion Laws: Help Needed For Red Rover On Southern U.S. Border

Mel Gibson Converts To Judaism To Squash Anti-Semitism Accusations

Mel Gibson Converts To Judaism To Squash Anti-Semitism Accusations