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The Pointed Pen: Don't Blame Smart Phones

The Pointed Pen: Don't Blame Smart Phones

At last 5G phones are coming in. They're called "5G" because that's how much they cost. Are they safe? Please, don't worry. Remove all thoughts of brain tumors from your mind. I'm happy to ignore safety concerns but here in the PRM (People’s Republic of Massachusetts) our great Commonwealth would rather expand the nanny state by banning all cell phone use while driving. That drives me so mad, that I just had to text you this rebuttal before I exit the interstate.

If they ban your cell phone, you can’t check Twitter or Facebook or even play Words With Friends while driving. More people are injured using their own bathrooms then they are using their phone. What will the state ban next, cell phones in the shower?

The truth is it’s less dangerous to phone and drive then it is to cross the street. For example, yesterday I’m playing Angry Birds while driving to the drive through, when suddenly there’s some idiot walking in the middle of the cross walk. They should really make an App that warns you about pedestrians.

What am I supposed to do in my car if I can’t text? Driving is so boring. But I’m not a phone addict; I can quit any time I want. I just do it 24/7/366 because I like it. My wife said it’s more dangerous then driving drunk, but you can still legally drink and drive; you just can’t be over the limit. Studies show that the average teenager sends 11 texts in 10 minutes before a fatal crash, we can safely set the limit for texting to one a minute.

The truth is, cell phones aren’t the problem. The problem is the person who can’t perform two tasks at the same time. It’s called multi-tasking and.… Please honey, not now. I’m trying to send this text and I can’t concentrate. Now where was I? My train of thought got de-railed. Now you made me miss my exit. Oh well, I’ll just back up. But I digress.

Cell phones don’t cause car crashes, careless people cause car crashes. Don’t blame smart phones, blame dumb people. Cell phone use is totally safe. Sure, they cause brain tumors, but they don't impact your driving for years. The bottom line is, why should I have to give up my right to use a smart phone just because you might get killed? How is that fair to me?

So you can try to take my Bluetooth, but you’ll have to pry it out of my cold dead ear. Actually I know a simple solution that seemingly solves this whole complicated problem easily. All you do is… Hey, I’ll have to text you later. That’s my phone, and I have to take this.

 
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