UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Beto O'Rourke Announces Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man As 2020 Running Mate

Beto O'Rourke Announces Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man As 2020 Running Mate

Texas Congressman Beto O'Rourke has announced that his running mate for the 2020 presidential elections is none other than the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man. O'Rourke told Flake News reporters that his "new running mate completely matches [his] energy, policies, and charisma."

O'Rourke approached Flake News staff while riding on a skateboard. He kick-flipped off, performed a dab, and told reporters that, "I'm the most politically and economically consistent politician of all time. I'm a capitalist and believe in the Green New Deal. I believe in the free market and completely restructuring it to reduce carbon emissions before this planet dies in 12 years. I also might be somewhat Mexican, we'll see."

The red-state Democrat told reporters that his running mate is just like him as he "waves his arms around in a crazed fashion while promoting an unclear message that gets the crowds moving."

The Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man has tested positively among all demographics, particularly with white Americans unsure on their positions but like waving their arms around wildly.

"Of course, capitalism and radically-changing the economy to suit the will of state-directed eco-fascists go hand-and-hand," said O'Rourke. "Now, look at my hands and arms go, weeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

 

Photo by Inter-American Dialogue | CC-BY-2.0

Waluigi Joins The Other 15 Dozen Democrats And Announces Run For President

Waluigi Joins The Other 15 Dozen Democrats And Announces Run For President

The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead