White House Introduces New 'Trump Youth' Program For Minors
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced the creation of the 'Trump Youth' program aimed at Americans aged 4 to 16. Sanders told Flake News reporters that those registered in the 'Trump Youth' program will accompany ICE agents during deportations, set up social media accounts to troll the opposition, and spread the message of Trumpism nationwide.
US President Donald Trump pressed upon the importance of this program, on his official Twitter page.
"We need a strong after-school program that will guide the youth of America in the right direction, particularly the males so that they don't drift into criminality or take up the consumption of soy," tweeted Trump. "We will show the proper way to separate families at the border. We will not discriminate between the day laborer and the drug smuggler. All equal action towards those violating the law. And any narcotics seized will be properly redistributed to the inner-cities via the cherished Reagan Doctrine."
Numerous Democratic politicians have called Trump's new youth program 'racist' and 'an indoctrination program for America's youth.'
"It's racist to say that day laborers and drug smugglers can't come into this country unchecked, which is why ICE and this 'Trump Youth' program must be abolished," said New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "Matter-of-fact, we need a policy and program for our youth that brings us together, not draws us apart. This is exactly why I propose a Green New Youth program for the young people to get involved in helping reduce carbon emissions. No one will eat hamburgers and we'll all car pool to meetings."
California Congresswoman Maxine Waters told Trump to "Keep your grubby claws away from our children, Mr. President! We don't need an indoctrination program for America's Youth. We already have public schools, universities, and the mass media, to do that job for us! We need to impeach this failure of a president now!"
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi found Trump's program to be 'racist' and 'dangerous for the growing minds of the country.' However, she maintains that the president shouldn't be impeached for his actions.
Right-wing provocateur Milo Yiannopolous has been hired as the head of the upcoming 'Trump Youth' program. He has been tasked with teaching the young to create Pepe the Frog memes, make 'ironic' Nazi jokes, and piss off celebrities and political opponents.
"Really, at this point, I have nothing better to do and I desperately need the money," said Yiannopolous. "Seriously, I'm in a butt-load of debt. You've seen the headlines. And I won't even go into how I was able to pay some of that back. I see this 'Trump Youth' program as a promising way to reprogram the nation's youth to be a lively batch of trolls. Winning trolls."