Science Reveals Sad Truth: Anti-Vaxxers Are Right
In 1983, psychologists and biochemists teamed up at Yale University in what would be a four decade study of vaccination experimenting on consenting humans. They hoped to find out ways to strengthen vaccines while simultaneously removing any health risks. However, the conclusion of their research is shocking: we’re better off without vaccines.
While testing vaccinations on some subjects, several subjects were kept from being vaccinated for the sake of research. As years went on, the non-vaccinated humans displayed traits of human potential scientists have never seen before.
Subjects were offered tests of physical strength.
The first task was to open a jar of week-old grape jelly, which the vaccinated subjects struggled with. Since the non-vaccinated subjects were completing this task with ease, they were given a range of physical tests to see how far they can go. At the height of their potential, they were able to push a Mack Truck uphill while the emergency brake was activated.
Along with the physical test, a mental test was given to the participants. All subjects were given multiple choice exams similar to the ones administered to public schools for state testing. The average scores of non-vaccinated subjects were between 80-85… pretty solid.
However, the non-vaccinated subjects actually proved the exams to be incorrect in their approach to human intelligence. One of the conducting researchers was committed to a mental institution after a non-vaccinated subject read his psyche and revealed the researcher’s closeted homosexuality.
That’s right, research found that the natural psychic abilities of human beings are being oppressed by vaccines. Multiple non-vaccinated subjects were found chopping bananas without using their hands. They explained the practice of manipulating molecules with the power of their minds as if it were common sense.
Not only were these superhuman strengths revealed, but research shows that non-vaccinated subjects showed no signs of nasal congestion. Their air pathways were described to be “as open as a Blockbuster that’s still in business.” Along with their wide open respiratory system, their saliva contained enzymes similar to a canine. This means that non-vaccinated subjects had no need for oral hygiene – their mouths cleaned themselves.
The results of the study concluded that non-vaccinated subjects naturally inquired extraordinary abilities. Floyd Mayweather even confessed to being non-vaccinated.
“How do you think I could move so quick? I slow down time, man.” Mayweather stated. “Sometimes I leave, drink some tea, and return to my fights without anyone noticing. I runs this game.”
In 2009, the researching scientists invited sociologists onto their team to examine how vaccines affected our society as a whole. As it turns out, vaccines are the cause of the existence of hipsters and Tekashi 69.