Trump Says Kim Not To Blame For Otto Warmbier’s Death, Rules Out Satan For Existence Of Evil
On his return from his unsuccessful summit meeting with Kim Pug Ugli yesterday, it was reported by the press pack travelling on Air Force One with the Trump entourage that the president was absolutely positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that sadistic dictator and merciless oppressor of his people, Chairman Kim, was not to blame in any way, shape or form for the death of American student Otto Warmbier. The American college student died after being released from a North Korean prison in 2017 in an unconscious state.
President Trump told the press pack that his pal ‘Kimbo’ was not responsible for the horrific injuries sustained by the American student, who died shortly after being released from 17 months of detention in North Korea.
"Some really bad things happened to Otto — some really, really bad things. But he (the assassin puppet-master and notorious liar Kim) tells me that he didn't know about it, and I will take him at his word," Trump said with his fingers crossed behind his back.
When challenged by the ever present cub reporter from the UK comic, The Beano, as to whether someone with Kim’s record on a) telling the truth, and b) having people murdered, should be taken at his word, the president reportedly flew into a fury and berated the young journalist.
“You cynical, miserable fake news hounds think everyone is a liar. Why can’t you just for once trust in people and believe what you’re told,” barked a red faced Trump.
“So is Michael Cohen to be believed?” quipped back the young journo.
“NO!” shouted the incandescent president at the young reporter, “He’s a lying freakin’ slimeball, and a threat to national security!”
The irony of the situation was pointed out by the reporter from the American gardening magazine, The New York Thymes. Up till relatively recently Trump was praising his private lawyer Cohen to the high heavens and condemning ‘little rocket man’ Kim as a liar, a despot and a threat to America’s national security.
“You smarties make me want to puke,” was the only snappy come-back the president had to offer.
Alert to the president’s shifting position on those that may or may not be, or have been on the wrong side of good, as defined by enlightened, right thinking liberals, the journalist from the UK decorating magazine, What Paste, asked for the president’s current opinion on a stream of people, starting with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman.
“Great guy, great, great guy,” said the president.
“But didn’t he sanction the brutal murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi?” asked the reporter.
"Some really bad things happened to Jamal — some really, really bad things. But he (the assassin puppet-master and notorious liar Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman) tells me that he didn't know about it, and I will take him at his word," Trump said.
“What about Putin and the attempted assassination of Sergei Skripal, and the death and injury of innocent bystanders in Salisbury using deadly Novichok nerve agent?” the reporter shouted out.
"Some really bad things happened to Sergei — some really, really bad things. But he (the assassin puppet-master and notorious liar Vladimir Putin) tells me that he didn't know about it, and I will take him at his word," Trump said.
The reporter then pressed the president for his opinions on other much maligned figures from history as follows:
Journo – Adolf Hitler and World War Two?
Trump – Hitler was not to blame. It was crooked Hillary!
Journo – Stalin death purges?
Trump – Who’s Stalin?
Journo – Attila the Hun, murdering his brother in 445?
Trump – Now I know this one… He was framed! Where’s the evidence? The Clintons were involved somewhere though.
Journo – Vlad the Impaler?
Trump – That’s the Dracula guy, right? It’s fiction. He didn’t exist. You don’t catch me out.
Journo – Herod and the crucifixion of Jesus?
Trump – The Chief Rabbi told me that was an administrative cock-up, nothing to do with Herod.
Finally, when pressed by the reporter on Trump’s position on Satan, and the role he has played in the blight upon mankind of fundamental sin, the president said, "Some really bad things happened to humanity — some really, really bad things. But he (the prince of darkness) tells me that he didn't know about them, and I will take him at his word."