UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Trump-Kim Talks Break Up Acrimoniously As Kim Threatens To Option MAD Movie Screenplay

Trump-Kim Talks Break Up Acrimoniously As Kim Threatens To Option MAD Movie Screenplay

 

Two recent unrelated events have collided massively to bring about the sudden and dramatic break up of the North Korea / US summit between US President Donald Trump and North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. The first was the discovery of the movie script, M.A.D. and the second was stupid catering.

The world was recently shaken to its foundations when the news was announced by Professor Ivan Egghead that an ancient time capsule had been unearthed at an archaeological dig in the grounds of Jurassic Forest Prehistoric Dinosaur site near Edmonton. No big deal in itself, but when it was found that the time capsule contained an old parchment on which was printed the screenplay for a movie about a fictional US president called Donald Dump, the world sat up and took interest.

The screenplay entitled M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction) is considered by movie pundits to be a hilarious spoof on the Trump administration, and a bidding war to option the script is expected soon.

The relevance of this event to what happened between the two world leaders at their recent summit in Vietnam is as follows.

The catering staff at the summit that took place recently in Hanoi, Vietnam, were given precise instructions about the etiquette of serving the main meal of the day to the two ‘anorexia deniers’ sitting facing each other across the dinner table. Both Kim and Donald Trump, are gluttons that have massive egos and appetites. Both men are yet to find a set of ‘speak-you-weight’ scales honest enough to override the ‘one at a time please’ message when the user is too heavy and ‘maxes out’ the spring capacity of the mechanics. Both men are used to having first call on any meal put in front of them, the minions that hang out of their asses having to wait till either Trump or Kim has filled his fat face before they can pick at the remains of the meal.

To this end, the caterers were given strict instructions that there would be no item on the dinner table with an odd number of pieces. It’s a simple and logical instruction. The two mega-gutted self effacing Braniacs would each chew their way through an equal amount leaving a clean platter in the centre of the table.

However, these dumb caterers put a platter of steamed prawn dumplings on the table containing 33 dumplings. In and of itself, that would normally not be an issue, but in this case it was bound to lead to trouble. When the two porcine morons had nearly cleared the platter, each devouring 16 steamed dumplings, they eyeballed each other across the table, the lonely dumpling resting on the platter in between them.

“Do you mind if I…?” reportedly asked Kim as he stabbed at the last remaining dumpling with his chopsticks.

However, before the Weeble-shaped despot and sadistic oppressor of his people could secure the delectable savoury ball, Trump reached out and swiped the dumpling off the platter with his fingers, and stuffed it into his baboon’s ass shaped mouth. Then, whilst chewing and spitting out flecks of dumpling as he spoke, he said to Kim, “What did you say?”

Kim was reportedly more steamed than the dumpling. In a sudden fury the rotund half brother murderer spat out, “I read screenplay of movie called MAD. It make you look like dumb dufus! Maybe I buy script and make movie back in North Korea with Danny DeVito in stupid wig playing Donald Dump. All the world will point at you in street and shout, ‘Hey Dumpy-boy! How is sex-bot wife, Mekanika? You getting any, or are her batteries flat?’”

Trump was reportedly incandescent with rage, and threatened to ‘rain down fire and fury’ on Kim. It is understood that when threatened with nuclear annihilation by Trump, Kim burst out in a fit of laughter, and, pointing his stubby little index finger at Trump, shouted, “Why not use Domesday machine and set it off with your big fat butt, like halfwit Dump did in movie screenplay!”

President Trump then reportedly stormed out of the meeting and, dodging any embarrassing questions from the pursuing press pack about his failure to serve his country when it was at war with Vietnam, scrambled back onto the luxurious presidential plane and ordered the pilot to head for home post haste.

It is understood that the president’s first call on board Air Force One was to his private insane lawyer Rudy Giuliani demanding that the MAD screenplay is seized in the interests of national security. However, this is neither legal nor possible as the whereabouts of the original screenplay are kept secret by the script’s owner, Professor Egghead.

However, for any party interested in bidding for the script, or anyone that just wants a good belly laugh, it is understood that a copy is available for scrutiny on the screenplay selling website InkTip using this link:

https://www.inktip.com/script/1e7b5f9

 
Rush Limbaugh Hears 'Voice Of God' After Cochlear Implant

Rush Limbaugh Hears 'Voice Of God' After Cochlear Implant

The Diary Of Anne Frank's Stepsister

The Diary Of Anne Frank's Stepsister