UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

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The Diary Of Anne Frank's Stepsister

The Diary Of Anne Frank's Stepsister

HITLER. If you read the name Hitler and felt nothing you're not necessarily a bad person. We use Hitler as an insult so often it's kind of become meaningless to call someone Hitler. Every time one our elected officials does something we don't like we call them Hitler. (I just realized how many times I've typed Hitler and it looks real creepy. It's going to get creepier before I'm done.)

In fact, I have a friend we call Hitler because she's a tad on the bossy side. Should I be calling someone Hitler because she asked the waitress for the check before anyone could order dessert? Probably not. Is it incredibly insensitive to call a person from Poland Hitler? Probably. But I didn't get pie because of my good friend, Hitler. And I really wanted pie.

Trump has had to defend himself because so many people have compared him to Hitler. I would love to report that he did some deep introspection on what he may have said or done to be compared to Hitler. He didn't. He just said he's not Hitler.

Political purveyors, comics and snarky internet bloggers have all compared Trump to Hitler. Who else compared Trump to Hitler? The stepsister of Anne Frank. And she did so in 2016. This is a serious Hitler warning.

SERIOUS HITLER WARNING: The stepsister of Anne Frank is getting a Hitler vibe from Trump. Take immediate and adequate shelter. In a voting booth. And vote for literally anyone else.

Serious Hitler warnings should not be ignored. Yet, sadly, it was ignored. We need to find non-Hitler ways to insult our political leaders so that serious Hitler warnings like this won't be overlooked in the future. To help I've come up with some alternate name calling for current prominent political figures.

Most Republican Senators

Alternate Name: Accidental Racists

They keep calling themselves the party of Lincoln in a misguided attempt to woo African American voters. I guess, we’re supposed to overlook the overwhelming Klan support for today’s republican leaders because one republican did the right thing over 150 years ago. Today's Republicans are the party of the south. Lincoln had a notoriously poor relationship with the south. The south won't let the Confederate flag go to this day. We're still suffering devastation over the Civil War. We lost Dukes of Hazzard reruns because no one will edit out that stupid Confederate flag on top of the General Lee. And I know we have the technology to do so. They’re just being stubborn.

Anyway, I don't know if the republicans are accidental racists or on-purpose racists. But I do know that "Accidental Racist" is the worst song ever written.

Ben Carson

Alternate Name: Mr. Ben Carson

Stop calling him doctor and it’s only a matter of time before he tries to bludgeon his mother again.

Donald Trump, Jr.

Alternative Names(s): Stephen Baldwin, Daniel Baldwin, Billy Baldwin

Like the non-Alec Baldwins, Junior will never escape the shadow of his sister no matter how many poorly executed treasonous crimes he commits in vain attempts to win his father’s affection. (Any Jackson brother not named Michael is also an acceptable substitute.)

Lindsey Graham

Alternative Name: Jermaine Jackson

It may seem like an odd choice, but it’s fitting. Jermaine Jackson had a notorious love/hate relationship with his much more talented and famous brother, Michael. He even wrote a song totally throwing shade at Michael. It’s called “Word to the Bad.” You’ve probably never heard of it because the last time Jermaine Jackson had a hit song he was in the Jackson 5. Yet, whenever he was in desperate need of money and attention, he was always available to sing the praises of Michael like a blood thirsty sycophant.

Now let’s take a look at a tweet from Lindsey Graham dated 12/08/15:

“You know how you make America great again? Tell @realDonaldTrump to go to hell.”

Now let’s take a look at a tweet from Lindsey Graham dated 6/14/18:

“Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

You’re keeping your promise to make America safer and more prosperous.

And unfortunately for me, you’re doing all this without losing a step in your golf game!”

Ivanka Trump

Alternative Name: Eva Braun

Donald Trump

Alternate Name: Adolf

 

Photo by Dietmar Rabich | CC-BY-SA-4.0

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