Ben Shapiro Rescues Baby Hitler From Antifa Time Travelers
Pro-life advocate Ben Shapiro reportedly traveled back in time on Friday to save baby Hitler from an assassination attempt by time-traveling members of Antifa. Shapiro was able to use his super brain powers to knock out each member of Antifa and rescue the infant Adolf Hitler. Antifa came with a masked anarcho-communist doctor to perform the forced late-term abortion on Hitler's mother, Klara Hitler. However, Shapiro thwarted their plans and reportedly helped birth baby Hitler.
"When I heard about Antifa's plans to go back in time to kill baby Hitler, of course as a pro-life person I needed to spring into action to stop them," said Shapiro. "I couldn't let those leftist lunatics kill a little baby, are you kidding me? The fact that it's the baby version of Adolf Hitler should not matter, especially for someone who says they're pro-life."
Both Shapiro and the anonymous members of Antifa say that The Daily Wire editor was able to lift them up off the floor with his mind and fling them across the wall, rendering them unconscious and sending them all back to the current year. Klara Hitler then went into labor and Shapiro filled in the place of a doctor and successfully assisted Klara in birthing little Adolf.
"We had all decided that by sacrificing one life, we'd be saving millions," said one anonymous Antifa member who traveled to 1889 with a soy-based time machine. "That fascist Ben Shapiro got in the way of us stopping World War II and the Holocaust."
Shapiro fired back at remarks from the group Antifa, saying that, "No, you are wrong once again. Let's say you kill baby Hitler and prevent WW2 and the Holocaust, well if that happens then they'd be no reason for someone to go back in time to prevent these events because they would have never existed in history. Thus, a paradox is produced, making the whole situation a theoretical impossibility. That is, unless WW2 and the Holocaust would have happened anyway regardless of Hitler's existence, and by that point you'd be targeting a completely different ruthless dictator taking his place in time and would most likely have never even heard of anyone named Adolf Hitler, and the name would have no significance whatsoever."
"You can't kill baby Hitler," said Shapiro. "Facts don't care about your feelings."
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America | CC-BY-SA-2.0