Donald Trump Caught Drowning Kittens
US President Donald Trump was caught in the act of drowning a sack full of kittens in a Washington DC pond before Beto O'Rouke dived into the water, rescued the downed felines, nursed them back to health and took a selfie with them for his Instagram page. Trump's actions were not reported to the authorities, but O'Rouke insists that it was the 45th president of the United States who tried drowning the kittens and it was in no way an elaborate political stunt set up to deceive the public. Trump has called the incident "another piece of flake news that is just as believable as Obama's birth certificate."
Former Brady Bunch cast member and Texas congressman Beto O'Rouke said that "This horrific act is yet another tragedy committed by this monstrous man who now sits atop the highest office in the country. Today, as I was jogging through the park listening to my iPod, I looked out to the water of a nearby pond to soak in the scenic beauty. And I was absolutely mortified to find Donald Trump stuffing a bag into the water, which I would soon find to include five barely-breathing kittens gasping for air, some blue and near-death."
"It took almost an hour but I was able to nurse each feline back to health," said O'Rouke. "Which is exactly what I'm going to do come 2020. I am officially announcing my bid for the Democratic candidate ticket in the upcoming presidential election."
Trump has called O'Rouke "a wimp" who couldn't even beat 'Lyin' Ted Cruz in the senate race. He has also called the congressman "an all grown-up version of Leave It To Beaver who thinks he can run the country," adding "but he can't and he should go home to mommy."
O'Rouke responded with a series of "Yo Mama" jokes that he has since retracted and deleted, calling his own response "boorish and beneath him, much like who's sitting in the White House."
"Baby O'Rouke is reverting to school yard tactics," tweeted Trump. "Bet if I had the money on the table right now, yo' mama would be, well, you know what she'd be doing, we'll just leave it like that."
O'Rouke's allegations have been backed up by BuzzFeed, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Young Turks. Each outlet claims to have multiple anonymous eyewitness accounts who claim to have been there on the scene and witnessed Trump trying to drown a sack full of kittens.