Jim Acosta Challenges POTUS To A Fight Club Brawl
CNN’s chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta has called out the Orange Troll for his constant and unrelenting put-downs of the highly-respected journalist. In an unprecedented move, Acosta has declared he will settle this “pissing contest” once and for all by “kicking some orange butt.”
Vindicated by a federal judge who declared that Acosta could reclaim the White House press credentials that POTUS revoked, the newsman is apparently seeking vindication of a different kind.
An Acosta associate, who requested anonymity, said that the newsman called the White House and, after a twenty-minute confab with POTUS, made an announcement stating, “It’s on. It is SO on.”
Flake News learned that the “on” in question is a mano a mano brawl between Acosta and the Troll, bare-knuckled, no shoes, no shirts…and in a ring, much like the underground “fight clubs.”
No one was more surprised than Acosta when POTUS accepted the challenge. His one concession: “He needs a couple of weeks to tone up and get a pedicure,” said Acosta. If you ask me, a couple of years, is more like it. I don’t care. I’m ready for him either way.”
Melania, unsurprisingly, is behind the brawl “one hundred percent” and has junior White House aides, who the Troll fondly refers to as “peons,” scrambling to build a ring in the East Wing, along with a viewing section for the audience.
The event, which is to be by invitation only, will be refereed by Acosta’s CNN colleague Anderson Cooper. When we expressed surprise that the normally self-contained Cooper would be part of a proceeding centered around two human beings trying to beat one another to a pulp, Acosta waved it away, saying, “Don’t let that polite, rich boy demeanor fool you. AC can throw down. You should see him after a couple of Long Island Iced Teas.”
We will keep readers informed of the event as it progresses. As it stands, an actual date has not been nailed down as POTUS has been wavering in his earlier concession to get in the ring with Acosta, stating that Sarah Sanders Huckabee might be a better choice. “She’s fast on her feet and big,” he said. “If anyone can take Jim Acosta down, it’s Sarah.”
Whatever the outcome, “Congratulations, Jim. You’ve already won.”
Photo by Legoktm | CC-BY-SA-4.0