Mexican-American Border Under Siege By 1000-Foot-Tall Honduran Toddler
Multiple injuries were reported at the Tijuana-San Diego border following an attack by a 1000-foot-tall Honduran toddler, which required the use of nonlethal tear gas by border patrol agents. The toddler reportedly threw his 50-foot-wide rattle and pacifier towards border agents, but luckily no one was injured in that exchange. However, the giant 14-month-old reportedly fell down and suffered a "boo-boo" and defecated in his pants, causing multiple migrants in the caravan and agents at the border to fall ill and vomit.
According to multiple reports at the Tijuana border, the toddler was once normal size but accidentally grew to gigantic portions after wandering into his mother's science lab and stumbling upon the Super Growth Machine. Many top government officials from around the world are reportedly interested in this advanced technology, including US President Donald Trump and North Korea's Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un.
President Trump released a press statement saying that he's willing to drop any and all criminal charges against the Honduran toddler "as long as someone hands over that Super Growth Machine. Not saying I need it, but it wouldn't hurt adding a couple of inches."
North Korean officials are reportedly trying very hard to get a hold of the growth machine as reports coming out of Pyongyang suggest that "this may be the only way to stop Kim Jong Un from being pissed off all the time at the world and focus on building [his] nation."
Former US President Bill Clinton is also reportedly interested in obtaining access to the Super Growth Machine for undisclosed reasons.
Meanwhile, thousands of migrants and one giant toddler remain at the Tijuana-San Diego border. Multiple migrants and border agents reportedly acted in unison to change the toddler's dirty diaper, resulting in cleaner air at the border and a newfound measure of respect between the migrants and the guards.
"We didn't feel like we were in opposing camps anymore after changing that diaper," said Angel Gonzalez, a former resident of Honduras who spoke perfect English. "Sometimes all it takes is one big stinky baby to bring everyone together."
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America | CC-BY-SA-2.0