Beppo The Sad Faced Clown To Run Against Trump For President In 2020
The Democrats have been desperately hunting through their ranks to identify the most suitable candidate to run against President Donald Trump in the 2020 presidential race, but to date without success. Their last presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton failed to be first past the post despite clearly winning the popular vote.
“Hillary just didn’t have what it takes,” mumbled a quietly spoken man in a grey suit (presumably something to do with the Democrats), “Unlike her opponent, she refused help from the Russians. That was dumb. Even worse, she actually looked crooked. If you pushed her against a vertical surface you could clearly see the bends. So when Trump started calling her ‘crooked Hillary’ the name stuck. She was dead meat as a serious candidate from that point on. But this time I think we’ve found our boy.”
The ‘our boy’ referred to by the grey clad mumbler is the ex Cirque de Soleil clown, Beppo who has thrown his floppy cap into the ring for the Democratic nominee in the upcoming presidential race.
“I’ve thought about it long and hard,” said a sad faced Beppo, “But I know I can do a better job for America than that clown Trump.”
The ex circus performer then went on to list the advantages he offered the electorate over the current incumbent.
“Take these trade discussion,” said Beppo, “I’ve seen the ‘Trump and Xi face-off’ videos in news reports. They sit eyeballing each other across a table, Xi looking inscrutable and Trump looking orange. Where’s the humour in that? Not a custard pie in sight! You don’t get anywhere without a good old belly laugh. I would approach these talks from a totally new perspective.”
When asked how, the sad faced idiot said the following:
“For starters I would hold talks in a circus ring where there’s plenty of sawdust on the floor, so it makes falling over easier. Then I would have a series of garden rakes strategically placed so that when we walked towards each other to shake hands at the commencement of the session, we could each step on a rake or two and pretend our noses get bashed. We could even have fake blood capsules hidden in our hands. Also, I would be wearing shoes that are over two feet long with the toe caps on springs. That always gets a giggle, especially if I just happen to accidentally step into a plastic bucket full of porridge that I then can’t shake off, know what I mean?”
It was pointed out that the position as Commander-in-Chief and leader of the free world involved many other responsibilities in addition to trade negotiation. For example, he would be required to address all nations on US foreign policy at the United Nations.
“Good point,” said Beppo, “I know Trump went down quite well there with his stand up routine, but my humour is slapstick. It’s much more visual. So, I would approach it from an entirely different angle. For starters, I have this old motor car. It’s yellow. It belches smoke and the doors fly off when I stop. I’d enter the UN building in this, then mime my way onto the podium, as if battling against a gale. Then I’d climb up an invisible rope ladder to the lectern, sing ‘Don’t laugh at Me ‘Cos I’m a Fool’ by Norman Wisdom, pretend to cry then mime my way off stage as if going down steps into an imaginary cellar. It’ll bring the house down.”
It was the general consensus amongst the political pundits in the press interview that Beppo was a strong candidate if put up against the current incumbent.
In a comparison with Trump, a spokesman for the UK political magazine, The Spectator, said, “At least Beppo’s more likely to keep his dick in his baggy trousers.”