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Scranton PA Demolished After Pack Of Gritty's Level The City

Scranton PA Demolished After Pack Of Gritty's Level The City

It was a peaceful day in the city of Scranton. Everyone was just going about their day in the fictional hometown of the beloved show “The Office.” That was until about 2:35pm when a pack of wild beasts made their way through the town. The horde had a familiar face, one with googly eyes and an orange beard. What people outside of Philadelphia feared. Not only had Gritty gotten loose but he had spawned children.

For those who are unaware of Gritty, he is the mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers Hockey team. Gritty was introduced this year for the Flyers’ 2018-2019 season. He was met immediately with national attention. Mostly due to his cold lifeless eyes and glowing orange fur. Many who lived outside the City of Brotherly Love were horrified by the mascot.

“It was a normal day, I was on my way back from a late lunch when I saw it. It looked like hundreds of tiny orange tornados. Then I realized it was Gritty. But not just one Gritty but thousands of Gritty’s,” a wounded Scrantonite told us.

Many had feared Gritty could reproduce. We don’t know much about Gritty’s reproductive system. The Flyers have been quiet on where they found Gritty. Now it appears he has a pack and they are on the move.

We don’t currently have all of the information. Reports are that Gritty broke out of his cage yesterday evening. By 6am today he was leading a flock of of fellow Gritty’s through PA, before eventually taking control of Scranton by 2:35pm. The onslaught lasted 25 minutes before the furry fiend and his friends left the city to make their way south.

We don’t currently know where the Gang of Gritty’s are heading. The US army has been mobilized to take them on, although, many fear that may not be enough. As of right now we can only say for anyone reading this — stay inside and barricade your doors. Gritty is nothing to joke around about. He is dangerous and extremely hostile.

We will have updates as they come in.

 

 

Photo by Lisa Gansky from New York, NY, USA  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

Beppo The Sad Faced Clown To Run Against Trump For President In 2020

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Public Enemy

Public Enemy