Trump Passes Bill To Reset The Internet
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Web Refresh Act, a bill that passed through both houses of Congress by a 100% majority vote, has been signed into law by President Donald Trump today.
The bill grants the NSA permission to reset the memory stored via internet on all satellites orbiting Earth – an opportunity for every internet user in the world to get a second chance at keeping their reputations clean.
Oddly enough, members of the media, forums, and blogging websites have shown no verbal support towards the bill. However, millions of anonymous voters have shown that almost 100% of those polled are strongly behind the idea. Sociologists drew the conclusion that nobody wants their name attached to the bill in fear of “identifying themselves as having something to worry about.”
When the bill was passed, a huge sigh of relief filled the White House. When news of the bill being passed made it to the world news, an even bigger sigh of relief filled the atmosphere of the Earth – a harmonic tone that only comes once an eternity.
“No, me signing this bill has nothing to do with the media coverage of my presidency these past two years,” stated President Trump. “But will I use this opportunity for a clean slate? Maybe. We’ll see.”
Press coverage from The Vatican has shown that the Catholic church reacted in a mass celebration – referring to The Web Refresh Act as “the second coming of Jesus Christ” since this is the closest they’ve ever come to being cleansed for their sins.
The total worldwide web refresh is set to take place on December 31, 2018 at 11:59 PM. The reason for the selected date is solely for poetic justice and to initiate a larger “purge.”
A purge is expected to take place on the day of the refresh – where internet users around the world will probably release the evils they’ve been holding back from the internet. Risqué texts, emails, and social media posts will be expected to pollute the digital atmosphere.
The only concern of critics of the bill is that the NSA is simply entrapping internet users to purge all their dirty secrets to the web so they can simply hold their permission to reset the internet, and have everyone make themselves look like idiots.