UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Trump Threatens To Shut Mexico Border, Recruits Abercrombie Greeters

Trump Threatens To Shut Mexico Border, Recruits Abercrombie Greeters

In an effort to deter the caravan of would-be refugees in Tijuana, President Donald Trump issued a call via Twitter to all “patriotic Abercrombie greeters” to mobilize. “Abercrombie and Fitch employs America’s finest. The type of folks that make America great. I’m confident their particular skill set is exactly what we need to stop this threat to our democracy. MAGA.”

The tweet came on the heels of an escalation in tensions at the San Ysidro Point of Entry on Sunday, as thousands of hopeful migrants from Central America amassed, seeking asylum in the United States. “We will close the border permanently if need be,” Trump tweeted. “And we don’t need tear gas to do it.”

“The U.S. - Mexico border is roughly 2,000 miles long, ” said Carla Provost, current Chief of the U.S. Border Patrol, and former police officer from Kansas. “It’s a lot of ground to cover. Our agents are proud to accept the assistance of these fine representations of American values.”

Jack O’Connell, a trade expert at the consulting firm Beaton Economics, was perplexed. “Mexico is our largest trading partner,” he stated. “And they’re not the demographic Abercrombie is marketing to. Is that what he means?” He continued, “But there is a sort of logic to it. Let’s face it, nobody likes getting hit with cologne by some frat boy when they’re out holiday shopping, I don't care how fierce it is. It might work.”

 

 
Trump And Putin Slap It On The Table In New Nuclear Arms Race

Trump And Putin Slap It On The Table In New Nuclear Arms Race

If I Did Her: Trump To Release Erotic Novel Based On Hypothetical Stormy Daniels Affair That Actually Happened

If I Did Her: Trump To Release Erotic Novel Based On Hypothetical Stormy Daniels Affair That Actually Happened