If I Did Her: Trump To Release Erotic Novel Based On Hypothetical Stormy Daniels Affair That Actually Happened
President Donald J. Trump is in the process of penning an erotic novel detailing a hypothetical affair between himself and adult actress Stormy Daniels, titled: "If I Did Her." According to an anonymous source within the White House, Trump is "very excited to give his side of the story on how he would have handled a sexual encounter with Ms. Daniels if it had, in fact, occurred."
The source added that, "The Donald has already admitted to having an affair with Daniels and paying out-of-pocket to keep her quiet. However, when he began writing this novel at the start of 2018, he was telling the public that he had never had a relationship with [Daniels] and now he's way too lazy to change around the story to keep up with this blatant flip-flop."
The White House source further denied the claims promoted through Flake News, which suggests that the POTUS has had an affair with Daniels prior to his run for the highest seat in government. The source refuted these claims, saying that Trump never even met Stormy Daniels, much less had sexual congress with her. However, President Trump is said to be very sympathetic to Daniels and her claims because "it's understandable that Stormy Daniels would want to have sex with [him], who doesn't?"
Trump's upcoming erotic novel "If I Did Her" is scheduled to hit shelves in December 2018. A source close to Trump says that the book will coincide well with the holiday season, calling it "a stocking stuffer...in more ways than one" before winking at a Flake News reporter.
The president has admitted to Flake News reporters that he has paid off O.J. Simpson prior to writing the novel.
Here is an excerpt from "If I Did Her" - a thrilling erotic journey into the hypothetical scenario of a Trump-Daniels affair:
"This Stormy Daniels - very beautiful woman. I don't know her. But very beautiful. Very beautiful woman. If I moved in on her, it wouldn't be long, I'll tell ya, before we get intimate. Gorgeous women just have this attraction to me. If I want her, most likely I'd get her, because she'll end up wanting me more - it always works out that way.
After we get past the small talk and kissing, of course, she'll talk about moving on to the bedroom because, you know, that's what adult stars are prone to do. You see - America, we have the best adult film stars. Not so smart journalists. But the best film workers in the world.
And yes, she'll pull down my pants. And the look on her face when she sees what she's going to see. Surprised? Yes. And she doesn't deal with lightweights, I tell ya. Some of the guys she works with...God bless her. That's all I'm going to say. But actually, she said I'm bigger. YUGE. A mighty, mighty mushroom. She said who knew Toad from Mario Kart had a gigantic cousin?"
Photo by C.Suthorn | CC-BY-SA-4.0