President Starts ‘Trump News’ TV Channel, Appoints Joseph Goebbels Communications CEO
Donald Trump has for a long time threatened to start his own dedicated news channel. In a recent press conference, after railing against the ‘fake news’ media in general and CNN in particular for being bias against him, the president said, “Throughout the world, CNN has a powerful voice portraying the United States (Trump) in an unfair and false way. Something has to be done.”
The president then announced that the first steps have been taken to create ‘Trump Truths,’ a news channel dedicated to the miraculous and wonderful things Donald Trump has achieved, is achieving and will achieve in the future as both the US president, and coincidently the greatest living man on Earth in the history of mankind, ever, FACT!
“My adoring worshippers need to know the truth about how great I am,” said a straight-faced demure and self-effacing Trump, “By owning the whole caboodle from the buildings to the equipment and crew there is no possibility that those left wing, pinko, sandal shuffling, live-on-your-knees lying liberals will be able to distort the real truth about the magnificent Donald Trump, which is this. I AM the greatest politician, businessman, negotiator, lover, golfer, singer/songwriter, cage fighter, dentist, you name it, EVER. And just to make sure the message gets across to my adoring public and the electorate, I’m making a major appointment of a top man to run my new TV show.”
When pressed as to who this person was, the president just winked to his head of security and the person who asked the question was hastily bundled from the room by six guards built like brick restrooms.
Whilst the president was reticent in disclosing the name of his new appointee, the name was inadvertently leaked during a seemingly unrelated interview with a South African geneticist about a technological breakthrough in human cloning techniques. The article read as follows:
‘In a genetic procedure worthy of the fictional Jurassic Park, scientists working at Yale university, under a brief from Donald Trump and using taxpayers’ dollars, have managed to create a living clone of a long dead human being. A small particle of DNA was recovered from the remains of Adolf Hitler’s head of propaganda, Joseph Goebbels.
Further, the development from embryo stage to a full adult was achieved using a ‘DNA infusion and replacement’ technique pioneered by South African born genetics expert, Dr. Maddy Professor.
“It’s a technological miracle,” boasted the lunatic doctor whilst drinking a glass of celebratory Champagne in a Boston bar, “I used the body of a black man as the host, they’re the cheapest. We buy them in job lots off prison guards in Georgia. So you can imagine, as a believer in Aryan race supremacy, Goebbels was pretty pissed off when he first became fully conscious. But what the hell, he should be grateful to me that he’s got a second shot at life.”
When asked as to when the resurrected ex Nazi will be fully functional as a living entity, Dr. Professor said, “In a couple of days. He needs time to adjust to his new body. At the moment we can’t get him to leave his huge black ‘person’ alone. He keeps shouting ‘Mein Gott! So, it is nicht ein urban myth!’ We’ve had to tape a pair of boxing gloves on him or he’ll go blind before he takes up his new post as communications CEO for Trump… oops! I shouldn’t have let that one slip.”’
The news of the dedicated Trump ego-news channel has sent shares in companies that produce or sell TV sets plummeting. Subscriptions to cable TV have also dramatically dropped away. A spokesman for the TV industry said, “It’s the straw that seems to have broken the camel’s back. Viewers are falling off in drones at the news. They’ve had enough of TV and its relentless unbelievable fiction, and this is a step too far. Sales of books, playing cards, pianos and board games have rocketed. It’s like the public are turning back to the good old days… there’s hope for America yet.”