Pope Francis Calls For Trump To Be Cryogenically Frozen Alive
In a rare outburst during a press conference from the Vatican, Pope Francis openly called for the American faithful to rise up against Donald Trump. Going further than a simple revolution, the Pontiff made a plea to all God fearing people on the planet, but specifically to all Catholics in America, to neutralise the threat posed by the Commander-in-Chief. The Pope called upon all Catholics to rally in Washington then storm the White House and physically capture President Trump.
“He must not be harmed,” pleaded the Pope, “But must be taken to a place where he can be cryogenically frozen whilst still alive.”
When pressed for why he wanted this bizarre thing to be done to the President, Pope Francis said, “If this dreadful creature Trump should die and by some freak of circumstance his spirit reaches the kingdom of heaven then who knows what might happen. I fear for God.”
The Pope then went on to cite recent events and Trump’s reaction to them that when combined had lead the Pontiff to fear for the survival of God, and by default mankind, should Trump ever make it into the kingdom of heaven. These included:
a) President Trump’s Thanksgiving speech to the US troops in which he gave thanks to himself for making a tremendous difference in ‘keeping’ America great ‘again.’
“God is no match for an ego of that size,” said the Pope.
b) President Trump in denial about the instruction to murder the Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi being given by Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome, despite a CIA report explicitly identifying the clown prince as the one giving the order for the murder.
“Such self delusion is beyond anything the Almighty would have experienced or be capable of matching, despite God’s omnipotence,” said the Pope.
c) President Trump actually blaming the Saudi journalist’s murder on all the evil in the world, rather than the actual culprits, and neatly side stepping all the good that exists within mankind.
“It’s like he’s shrugging his shoulders and saying the Devil’s in charge now,” said the Pope, “Even the supreme entity would lose all hope having someone with a soul that black sitting at his shoulder.”
d) President Trump openly admitting that the Saudis fund terrorism and bomb the crap out of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians in the Yemen, but stating that he’s okay with this because of the money the Saudis spend on US bombs and killing stuff, and thanking the murdering b**t*rds for recently lowering the price of oil after decades of squeezing America dry.
“There is a level of evil and amorality yet to be discovered in the kingdom of heaven. I genuinely fear if this man (Trump) is allowed in, then we might as well let Satan have the keys to the front door. If mankind is to survive, Trump must be frozen alive so his black soul can never leave his body.”
If the Pope’s call is ever met and Trump’s body is cryogenically frozen while he is still alive, then in theory he will not actually be dead despite all signs of life being extinguished. However, it’s thought unlikely that this will ever happen, unless of course the contract to do the job is very lucrative and is given to Trump’s greedy little wife / daughter, Ivanka.