Ivanka Expected Tongue-Lashing From Daddy, Disappointed She Doesn't Get It
Eww. Even we can’t go there. Yet.
Right on the heels of Melania’s “flare up,” the entire universe is made aware that First Daughter and human Barbie Doll, Ivanka Trump, used her personal email account to discuss official White House business with cabinet members, aides and assistants.
For a woman who supposedly, has a brain in her head, this falls under the category of “seriously stupid.” The Orange Troll, as is his wont, is calling what is understandably an issue of some concern, “fake news.” With his usual flawless command of grammar, Daddy defended his little girl, saying, “Just so you understand, Ivanka Trump did some emails, they were not classified like Hillary Clinton.” She “did some emails.” And some people did vote for you. May they rot in Hell.
According to an unnamed official, POTUS’s daughter and senior adviser apparently “did not understand email communication rules.” And, just like the good little girl she pretends to me, immediately stopped using her personal email when informed that this was not a proper vehicle for communicating issues relating to the government.
Seriously. How can someone not understand this? Would any thinking person use their work email to go nuts on Amazon Prime? Hell no. That spiralizer can wait. Black Friday or not.
Flake News caught up with Ivanka’s husband, and yet another senior adviser to the Orange Troll, Jared Kushner, at Stachowski’s Market in Georgetown. As he pushed a potato knish around on his plate, without ever actually taking a bite, we asked his take on his wife’s “indiscretion.”
As he cut the Knish into teeny tiny pieces suitable for a hamster, he thought a minute, then answered, “What can I say? We all make mistakes. But you have to admit: She has one hell of a smile.”
Yes. And the money to pay for it. Which brings us to her other venture, the “Ivanka Trump” line of fashion items, including clothes, handbags and other accessories. Not surprisingly -- given her brothers’ penchant for mowing down helpless animals and displaying them as trophies – Ivanka has been criticized by PETA and other animal rights activists for using rabbit fur in her “exclusive line.” Too, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled her scarves because they were flammable! That’s right, ladies. Wrap an Ivanka Trump scarf around your neck, light up a fattie and go out in a blaze of made-in-China glory!
That said, why should Ivanka care, when NONE of the Trumps apparently care about anything but themselves? To wit: When the Trump administration announced it would be imposing tariffs on more than 1300 products imported from China in April 2018, it was alleged that Ivanka’s clothing line was spared.
This is all so tiresome that we can’t add anything more other than, “Why can’t these people just go away?”
Actually, there IS one more thing: We found out that Ivanka was strangely disappointed that Daddy didn’t “lay into her” as a “punishment” for the email screw-up. Considering the inappropriate comments POTUS has made about his own daughter, take that as you will. What the Troll did, instead: Withheld a portion of Ivanka’s weekly allowance.
We doubt that she’ll be clipping coupons anytime soon.
Sculpted in Plastatina Clay, molded and cast in latex. Makeup hand-painted using Mehron products. Luxury handbag from Trump collection, Dollar Store.
Art by Sharon Lee Rosenbaum. Copy by Sherry McGuinn