Trump Claims CIA Tape Proving Crown Prince Ordered Khashoggi Killing Is Fake News
It is reported that the CIA is soon to give President Donald Trump a detailed report on what it now knows about the Khashoggi murder. The Washington Post says the CIA has irrefutable proof that Jamal Khashoggi, the Saudi journalist and thorn in the side of the de facto Saudi ruler, Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome, was murdered on the instructions of the Prince himself.
This is evidenced in a recording the CIA has obtained between Prince IBS and his top henchman, Prince Choppemup, in which Prince IBS can be clearly heard ordering his top assassin to carry out Khashoggi’s murder:
“Hello? This is me, your boss, his highness Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome speaking. Kill that pig-dog-rabbit Jamal Khashoggi when he comes to the Istanbul embassy for his marriage papers, then cut him into tiny pieces. Put these into sixteen plastic bags then bury them around Istanbul in secret places so his body will never be found. Then get a Khashoggi ‘look alike’ to walk around the streets near the embassy an hour after Khashoggi arrived so we can lie that he left in good health.
If that fails, tell a pack of lies about him arriving in a belligerent mood and starting a fist fight with a cleaning lady and losing… or say he beat himself to death and the cleaning lady accidentally threw his body out with the garbage.
If that fails, then try a whopper about him falling ill just after he arrived. Then say something like, er… despite all our efforts to save him he passed away after chopping himself up into tiny pieces and secretly burying himself we know not where.
That will fool those infidel dogs from the world’s media, and that idiot dunce Trump. Even if he doesn’t believe this hogwash he’ll turn a blind eye because he thinks more about the millions of dollars we spend on bombs and killing stuff than he does about morality and justice.
I must now cackle like an evil madman while a concubine changes my diaper… ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaah!”
It is without a doubt that the CIA’s damning conclusions will further drive efforts in congress for America to punish Saudi Arabia for Khashoggi’s murder at the Saudi Istanbul embassy last month.
In a risible attempt to divert the heat off Trump’s close buddy, Prince IBS, the Trump administration last week penalised 17 Saudi officials, whose names were chosen randomly from a hat, alleging that they carried out the assassination.
But calls for the president to curtail arms sales to the warmongering Saudis, and other harsher punitive measures, are growing louder.
For example, Republican senator Bob Corker, who chairs the foreign relations committee, tweeted: “Everything points to the Clown Prince of Saudi Arabia, IBS, ordering Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi’s killing.”
He then urged Mr Trump to act quickly before the Saudi regime executed those, whether innocent or guilty, the Clown Prince has decided to blame for the Khashoggi murder, an assassination he himself undoubtedly ordered.
As far as Saudi reaction to the CIA news goes, their administration continues to emphatically deny any involvement by Prince IBS, and his complete innocence in, and ignorance of, the plot to murder the Prince’s most vocal critic, Khashoggi. A spokesman for the Saudi government said, “Have some money and forget the whole thing, eh?”
From Trump’s point of view, he is taking the same approach to the matter he did with Judge Kavanaugh, i.e. a guilty person will remain innocent until you run out of lies. Then you pretend it’s all a plot by the Democrats and crooked Hillary’s fault.
Speaking to a hastily assembled press pack, President Trump said: “We haven’t been briefed yet. The CIA is going to be speaking to me today. As of this moment, we were told that he (Clown Prince IBS) did not play a role. We’re going to have to find out what they have to say. However, I have bought a lot of cotton wool to stick in my ears and some of those excellent ‘Bozo’s’ noise cancelling headphones especially for the briefing. Hopefully I won’t hear anything bad about my close buddy and excellent customer for bombs and killing stuff, Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome. If I do I’ll just say what I usually do about any embarrassing truths, it’s fake news.”
Advocates campaigning for justice for Khashoggi fear Trump may not even turn up for the CIA briefing as rain is forecast for that day.