Inside Report: Ginsburg Broke Ribs Falling Over Drunk Kavanaugh
More details have begun to emerge about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s rib injury. Anonymous sources from inside the Court have admitted that the original story—that Justice Ginsburg fell in her office last Wednesday and fractured three ribs, and only sought medical treatment the next morning—is somewhat misleading.
Instead, inside sources have said that Ginsburg had been working late at the Court on Wednesday night when she tripped over an unconscious Justice Kavanaugh in the hallway.
While the fall fractured three of Justice Ginsburg’s ribs, she still managed to spend the next couple of hours using a Sharpie marker to draw penises on Kavanaugh’s face. The incoming Justice only just managed to clean the artwork off before his investiture ceremony on Thursday, which Ginsburg did not attend.
Justice Kavanaugh’s clerks admitted that Kavanaugh has no recollection of the events, because he was “totally hammered.”
The incident came as a surprise to no one in the Court, as Kavanaugh’s drinking problems have persisted since his appointment. Cleaning staff have provided Kavanaugh’s personal chambers in the Court with not one, but four recycling bins for the number of bottles and cans he empties on a daily basis. Clerks have routinely checked into work in the morning to find the freshman juror passed out at his desk, “reeking of beer,” with a trashcan filled with vomit and a computer logged into his Amazon account with a shopping cart newly filled with thousands of dollars of weightlifting equipment.
The security detail assigned to Kavanaugh admits that his code name, “Stag,” is not the reference to masculinity that the Justice has presumed it to be.
“It’s short for ‘stagger,’” one bodyguard said on condition of anonymity.
Whether the alcohol has impacted Kavanaugh’s work remains to be seen. It has, however, impacted the working environment of his clerks. Soon after his contentious appointment to the Court, which included numerous allegations of misogyny and misconduct, Kavanaugh trumpeted the fact that he had hired an all female staff of judicial clerks. This, he claimed, “was proof that he was not a misogynist.”
Again to the surprise of no one at the Court, the clerks share certain characteristics: They are all blonde and busty. One does not even have a law degree. All, however, have already hired a D.C. employment lawyer who specializes in harassment claims.
Justice Ginsburg’s working habits, however, have not changed after her slip and fall incident at Court over a sloshed Brett Kavanaugh. Clerks said that she was working from home, and that she only missed Kavanaugh’s investiture ceremony because she was “still bitter at that speed bump.”