UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Following Trump’s Lame Excuse Cancelling WWI Memorial Visit In France, Saudi Prince Offers Lessons In Lying

Following Trump’s Lame Excuse Cancelling WWI Memorial Visit In France, Saudi Prince Offers Lessons In Lying

 

During President Donald Trump’s visit to France for the Armistice day services he was scheduled to visit the Aisne-Marne American cemetery in the French village of Belleau. This was the place where in 1918 a battle took place in which American and French troops repelled German forces. There were heavy US losses and more than 1,800 Americans died there. However, the Commander-in-Chief and leader of the free world, who was supposed to participate in a wreath-laying ceremony at the cemetery, did not attend. His excuse was that was that ‘it was raining.’

This blatant display of disrespect to the fallen so infuriated British Member of Parliament Nicholas Soames, Winston Churchill’s Grandson, that he tweeted, ‘They (the soldiers) died with their face to the foe and that pathetic inadequate @realDonaldTrump couldn’t even defy the weather to pay his respects to The Fallen.’

Also, as near as dammit accusing the President of lying, Ben Rhodes, deputy national security adviser under President Barack Obama, said on Twitter, “The White House’s excuse about logistical difficulties caused by the weather did not make sense. I helped plan all of President Obama’s trips for 8 years. There is always a rain option. Always.”

In a sad and risible attempt to justify Trump’s lack of respect to the American fallen, the White House put out a statement that Mr. Trump ‘was reluctant to bring extra disruption to Paris traffic for a last-minute motorcade,’ i.e. not that he fancied an extra hour under the duvet cuddling up to whoever shares his bed these days.

On seeing the pathetic statement from the White House that only served to make Trump look like a wimp and a liar, Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome, the de facto ruler of the world’s biggest bomb and killing stuff shopping country, Sadli Backwardia, was quick off the mark to come to his best pal Donnie’s aid.

“As an accomplished liar I would have expected Donnie to come up with something a bit better than that drivel,” said the Clown Prince via video link from his gold plated Jacuzzi in his $300m palace in Louveciennes, France (once the Chateau Louis XIV). The Prince then popped open a gold plated bottle of ‘non alcoholic’ Champagne and poured it into the Jacuzzi to top up the level whilst a scantily clad dusky maiden attempted to pluck his voluminous eyebrows using gold plated tweezers.

Brushing the dusky maiden aside, the Prince continued, “To this end I am offering my very best friend and supplier of the bombs and killing stuff I use on the Yemeni civilians all my expertise in telling whopping great lies. I am a world renowned accomplished liar. Look at how expertly I handled the media when I offed that irritating ratbag Khashoggi. No one suspected for an iota that I wasn’t telling the truth… or at least no one dare tell me it wasn’t thus if he wanted to keep his balls intact.”

It was noted that the Clown Prince only used the male gender in this part of his statement. This is because women’s voices can’t be heard by Sadli men.

“For free and gratis I offer up to my ‘bestest friend in the world’ Donnie some better lies he can use next time he wants to stay in bed with his concubines rather than go out in the terrible rain.”

The Clown Prince then proposed the following alternatives to Trump’s lie:

“I DID attend the memorial service and left an hour later fit and well.”

“I arrived at the service in a belligerent mood and started a fight with a cleaner. She killed me and cut me up and put my body parts into black plastic bags then spread them around the cemetery, burying them as she went… I know not where.”

“I arrived and was so stricken with grief for the fallen I killed myself, cut my body up into tiny pieces and buried them in secret places.”

“Of course,” sniggered the Clown Prince, “This does require you to have been dead at some point but that shouldn’t be a problem for you. I’ve read up on your religion, Christianity. Doesn’t that allow the Son of God to rise again?”

 
Mike Pence And His Mother Purchase A Motel

Mike Pence And His Mother Purchase A Motel

Rep Steve King Pelted With Chicharrones By 'Giggling' Mob

Rep Steve King Pelted With Chicharrones By 'Giggling' Mob