UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Rep Steve King Pelted With Chicharrones By 'Giggling' Mob

Rep Steve King Pelted With Chicharrones By 'Giggling' Mob

Openly racist Republican congressman from Iowa and honorary Proud Boy, Steven King, who, unfortunately, just nailed a ninth term, was attacked by a band of prepubescent “beaners” (his word) while succumbing to a Churros fix in Storm Lake, Iowa.

Storm Lake, which boasts Iowa’s second largest Latino population is home to several popular restaurants, including the low-key La Juanita.

King, known for such offensive – and poorly worded -- comments as "I'd like to see an America that's just so homogeneous that we look a lot the same," was in disguise when his driver dropped him off at the Mexican eatery around 2 pm.

“I told him that I’d wait in the car,” said King’s driver, who asked to remain anonymous. “Frankly, I was kind of embarrassed to be seen with him. He looked ridiculous. I also thought his sudden Churros jones was a little weird but hey – the guy wants what he wants when he wants it. Not for me to question. I get paid for driving his ass around and that’s it.”

When Flake News asked the driver to explain the “ridiculous” comment, he replied, “I think Steve was trying to look Mexican – you know – blend in. He had on overalls, a hoodie and a pasted-on handlebar mustache. But the worst part was the Man Tan. His face was like the color of mud. Or crap. I nearly busted a gut when I saw him.”

According to the driver, King was in the restaurant less than two minutes when he “crashed out of there like a bat out of hell, his mustache hanging half off his face.”

Apparently, King’s disguise was blown, as he was chased from the restaurant at top speed by what he later referred to as a “marauding band of beaners.”

The driver who once again was in the throes of “busting a gut,” wiped his eyes and said, “Hell, I don’t think any of ‘em were over ten years old. Even funnier, they pelted him with handfuls of Chicharrones!” (Fried pig skins, a popular Mexican snack.)

We waited for the driver to compose himself and then asked if he thought the children truly meant to harm King.

“I couldn’t say,” he said. They were giggling and all, but I have a feeling that if he hadn’t hit the car when he did, they would have been on him like flies on shit. I don’t know – maybe that comment about the electronic fence didn’t sit too well.”

Before he turned to go, the driver told us that, when King, covered in Chicharron crumbs, hit the back seat, all he said was, “Let’s get the F outta here.”

If only.

Sculpted in Plastatina, molded and cast in latex. Hand-painted. Hair, hand-laid.

@SherryMcGuinn1 #killerscreenwriter

Art by Sharon Lee Rosenbaum. Copy by Sherry McGuinn.

SharonSherAlike

 
Following Trump’s Lame Excuse Cancelling WWI Memorial Visit In France, Saudi Prince Offers Lessons In Lying

Following Trump’s Lame Excuse Cancelling WWI Memorial Visit In France, Saudi Prince Offers Lessons In Lying

Trump Names Wife/Daughter Ivanka AG Sessions Replacement, She In Turn Names New Underwear Line ‘Lingerie for Legals’

Trump Names Wife/Daughter Ivanka AG Sessions Replacement, She In Turn Names New Underwear Line ‘Lingerie for Legals’