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Mattis And Pompeo Call On Saudis To Cease Bombing Yemen, Saudis Invite Them To Istanbul Embassy For ‘Talks’

Mattis And Pompeo Call On Saudis To Cease Bombing Yemen, Saudis Invite Them To Istanbul Embassy For ‘Talks’

 

Yesterday the US Secretary of Defense, Jim Mattis, and US Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, called on both sides in the Yemen civil war to agree to a ceasefire within the next 30 days, and specifically for the Saudis to stop dropping the bombs supplied by Britain and America on the Yemen. Surprisingly neither of them announce the cessation of the supply of these bombs by the US to the Saudis, presumably a clerical oversight.

The reaction to this announcement was swift. In a live TV broadcast given by the de facto ruler of Saudi Arabia, Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome, made unsurprisingly from his gold plated Jacuzzi, Prince IBS offered an invitation to both Mattis and Pompeo to meet his sixteen strong team of ‘peace negotiators’ at the Saudi Arabian embassy in Istanbul for a ‘full and frank exchange of views’ on the matter.

“All the arrangements have already been made,” declared the Clown Prince, as a dusky, scantily clad maiden slid into the bubbling tub beside him, “I’ve had the hack saws sharpened and extra black plastic bags laid on… just in case our discussions break down and these guys start a fist fight. Also, we’ve disabled all the tracking devices on the fleet of executive vehicles we use over there so, after the meeting when we run them both back to the airport, the fake news dog infidels will not be able to know exactly where they are.”

The Clown Prince then went on to ask for ‘precise’ descriptions of Pompeo and Mattis, requesting their exact height, weight, and for any distinguishing marks or features. This, he explained, was to ensure that, following the meeting, ‘men of very similar appearance’ seen walking around the embassy could in no way be mistaken for the two US administration members.

“That happened with that fat pig dog Khashoggi,” sniggered the Clown Prince, “Someone was seen walking around the streets nearby impersonating him. Disgraceful behaviour and disrespectful of the recently deceased butt-lizard. Should Mattis and Pompeo be seen walking in the street outside the embassy immediately following their fist fight, I want the world to know they left our embassy alive and well, albeit perhaps a little darker skinned than when they arrived.”

The broadcast was suddenly halted when a flurry of scantily clad shapely concubines leapt into the Jacuzzi and that bubbly scummy stuff splashed over the camera lens.

To date there has been no reaction from either Jim Mattis or Mike Pompeo, but President Donald Trump has been reported as saying he is quite taken by the idea of the meeting, although he has asked for Attorney General Jeff Sessions to replace Mattis and Pompeo and head up the talks. A prepared statement was read out to the press pack in a White house briefing by Sarah Huckleberry Hound Sanders as follows:

“President Trump is keen for the conflict in the Yemen to cease as soon as all outstanding Saudi orders for US bombs and killing stuff are fulfilled. In the meantime, he will do everything in his power to keep Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome happy. If the warmonger and alleged journalist murderer needs a human sacrifice from the US let it be Jeff Sessions. The sideways glancing cabbage patch idiot is a waste of space to the president and has done diddly-squat to throw that ratbag Mueller off the scent. Should the Saudis chop Sessions up and spread him around Istanbul in plastic bags there’d be a great opportunity for the President’s wife / daughter Ivanka to become the next Attorney General. Mr. Trump thinks she’d be dynamite in the job… first class. She’s already worked up a new product range for her web store called ‘JJ,’ Justice Jewellery. The President thinks it’s a great name and beautiful stuff, and should sell well. Advanced copies of the catalogue with item descriptions and prices will be sent to you all following this meeting. So you know, records will be kept of each press representative’s purchases. Christmas is coming, gentlemen. Make your president and his wife / daughter happy.”

 
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