Trump Invites Putin To Washington For ‘Smear’ Campaign
It was not unexpected that long-term adversary of the US, kleptocrat, and state assassination sponsor President Vladimir Putin would one day be invited by his employee, Donald Trump, to visit the US. But it came as a surprise to the world’s media when it was announced by Sarah Huckleberry Hound Sanders in a press conference that President Trump had invited his long term backer, Putin, to the US specifically to help with the terrible recent spate of pipe bomb attacks on leading Democrats and a number of the Democratic party’s high profile supporters.
“The President has been disheartened by these pathetic attempts to harm his political opponents,” said Ms. Huckleberry Hound, “So he’s decided to invite his boss to the US to oversee the project. Putin has a great deal more experience than those bozos currently carrying out this pipe bomb campaign, and should be much more impactive.”
Mr. Trump’s choice of Putin to oversee future assassination attempts on leading Democrats seems bizarre in the extreme bearing in mind Putin’s track record recently. President Putin was accused by the UK Prime Minister and Puffin’s head on a stick, ‘dancing’ Theresa May of being the mastermind behind the botched assassination attempt on former Russian Intelligence officer Sergei Skripal and his daughter in Salisbury, England, earlier this year.
The attempt was so comically and abysmally screwed up by the URG officers sent over to murder Skripal that a) they failed, b) they managed to kill an innocent lady by accident, c) the two assassins were so dumb they left a hot trail leading right back to their URG headquarters in Russia, d) they were paraded on Russian TV where they told a risible bare faced pack of lies about being innocent tourists with a fondness for whistle stop visits to UK cathedrals, and e) were clearly identified and exposed as senior URG officers that had been personally decorated by Putin himself.
Further, the assassin’s chosen weapon was the highly toxic nerve agent Novichok, a substance only manufactured in Russian state laboratories. So, it was widely speculated that the complete and utter balls-up was deliberate and intended to send a message to Putin’s enemies of, “Okay, all you traitors out there, we all know who did it and we’re coming for you next.”
Ms. Huckleberry Hound as good as said this when asked by the ever present reporter from the UK comic ‘The Beano’ why specifically Putin had been invited over at this time.
“It’s the mid terms, sir,” replied the Huck politely, “Time for all right thinking supporters of the president to start knocking on doors.”
Her enigmatic answer was taken by the press pack as an oblique reference to the smearing of ‘unknown substances’ on the front door of Sergei Skripal’s house in Salisbury, and a subtle threat that similar events would soon start to take place once Putin brings his fake perfume bottle full of Novichok over in his diplomatic pouch.
However, Ms. Hound hadn’t finished there. She added cryptically, “The president’s also hired a fleet of trucks with disabled location trackers for use by a delegation of sixteen Republican campaigners from Saudi Arabia. This is specifically to help ‘certain voters’ that had recently been targeted by the pipe bombers to get safely from their homes to the polling stations.”
Following cries of ‘this is too far fetched to be true’ from the press pack Ms. Funbags said, “Whether it’s true or not is neither here not there. The point is that it’s credible.”
Photo by www.kremlin.ru | CC-BY-4.0-International