Alex Jones Interlopes With An Intersex Iguana In India To Ward Off A Curse
Infowars mastermind Alex Jones traveled to India to marry an intersex iguana in a traditional Hindu ceremony meant to ward off a curse. Jones claimed to have been hexed by billionaire George Soros, Demon Hillary, lethal lesbian lizards from Lithuania, bi-sexual Belgium bullfrogs, and a host of other globalist goblins and human-animal chimeras.
"I'm cursed! The globalists cursed me!," said Jones to a Flake News reporter accompanying him on the trip. "They're deplatforming me left and right on social media, taking down all my videos and accounts. They've banned me from officiating the weddings of gay frogs on a global frickin' scale. These people are sick!"
Jones told Flake News that he believes that this wedding in India will "pass the damn globalist curse onto that intersex iguana" and said that "this isn't anything sexual. My life is on the line here! I need this curse off of me right now!"
The Infowars host found the iguana while on an LGBTQ+ reptile dating site. The iguana has both female and male reproductive organs, which peaked Jones' curiosity. It also likes long walks on the beach, contemporary hip hop, and bugs.
Hundreds gathered in the Jharkhand state of India to watch Jones marry an iguana. Food and alcohol was served to celebrate the occasion.
A local villager told Flake News that he has seen "this type of ceremony many times before" and that "usually it's a young woman who's cursed and the family holds a ceremony where she marries a dog and the curse is then passed onto the animal."
The villager added that, "the marriage is also not legally binding, so she can go off and marry a man while still keeping the dog as a pet. The same goes with Mr. Jones. It's nothing romantic."
After the wedding, Jones told Flake News that he's "gonna go all the way with this damned iguana. I need to make sure this curse is off of me by any means necessary. I don't want to take any chances! I'm going to consummate this damn marriage tonight!"
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