President Trump Body Slams American Values In Awkward Montana Rally
Missoula, MT – In a rousing partisan speech meant to drum up support from his fervent followers ahead of the midterm elections, President Donald J. Trump literally grabbed American Values, lifted them over his coiffed hair, and body slammed them to the ground.
The crowd erupted in wild applause.
Original political body slammer, Congressman Greg Gianforte, who was also at the rally, applauded President Trump’s show of strength. “You’re my freakin’ guy,” screamed Gianforte from across the stage.
“No,” exclaimed President Trump. “You’re my freakin’ guy!”
The two men then ran towards each other for the weirdest chest bump in United States history.
“Any man who can body slam an annoying reporter asking relevant questions the American people have a right to know, is my kind of guy,” said President Trump after the rally.
Gianforte demurred. “In all honesty, I just body slammed a meek little reporter. President Trump just body slammed American values. Do you know how hard that is?”
According to the Republican Party, American Values are stupid and have outlived their usefulness anyway. “The world needs less accountability and more indifference towards disappearing journalists” said Gianforte. “We also need some more Trump hotels!”
It remains to be seen whether this show of awkward and unfortunate “strength,” will be enough to halt the blue wave of Democracy that is supposed to roll in come November. According to several polls, The Democrats are predicted to win back the House, and have a small chance of taking back the Senate.
Despite the polls, Republican leadership is optimistic that their supporters will show up to vote, regardless of whether the Russians and James Comey help this time.
“I may not be on the ballot but I’m on the ballot,” warned Trump. “Not showing up at the polls in November may lead to my impeachment, and I need at least two more years to completely discredit the judicial system.”
Regardless of what happens in November, the partisan show put on in Montana by the tag-team duo of Orange Crush and Greg ‘the Gangster’ Gianforte, was exhilarating to everyone who witnessed it in person.
“They really have made America great again, dagnabbit,” said one Trump supporter from the stands after the event. “I haven’t seen that sort of show since the WWE gave a live event in Billings.”
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America | CC-BY-SA-2.0