UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

‘Khashoggi Was The Incredible Hulk’ Claims Prince, ‘Latest Saudi Lies Are More Plausible Than The Last Ones’ Says Trump

‘Khashoggi Was The Incredible Hulk’ Claims Prince, ‘Latest Saudi Lies Are More Plausible Than The Last Ones’ Says Trump

 

President Donald Trump today praised Sadli Clown Prince Irritable Bowel Syndrome for his courageous lying. The president was quick to defend the money-soaked Sadli hit squad boss and de facto ruler of the warmongering Sadli Backwardians, Clown Prince IBS, when his government finally came clean after two and a half weeks of bare faced lying about murdering Khashoggi offering up a brand new set of bare faced lies.

“It takes real balls to lie like he did in the face of irrefutable evidence his people murdered Jamal Khashoggi, then cut up his body and spread the remains all over Istanbul.” said the president, “Let’s not overlook this fact.”

The new version of the truth, broadcast on a Sadli Backwardian TV channel, now claims that Jamal Khashoggi did in fact meet his demise inside the Turkish Sadli embassy in Istanbul. This is contrary to the Sadlis previous official version of ‘Jamal who? Never heard of the fat guy.’

In the latest pretzel version of the truth dripping from the lying lips of Prince IBS it appears that Khashoggi arrived at the Istanbul Sadli embassy in a particularly belligerent mood, high on a cocktail of drugs and alcohol and spoiling for a fight. After barging through the front doors he kicked a cleaning lady up the ass before demanding that he be given a picture of Sadli’s King Salman to wipe his backside with.

“He was completely out of control,” smirked Prince IBS when challenged by the world’s press at a conference, “We tried our best to calm him down. We even offered him a cup of coffee and a pie. But that just made him worse.”

The Prince then went on to describe how Khashoggi stripped naked and started waving his ‘private member’ at the office girls, Brett Kavanaugh style, and shouting ‘all aboard for the skylark!’

“We begged him to stop and tried to get him to put his clothes back on but it was then that he started swinging punches. It was lucky that a squad of sixteen of my top henchmen and the head of my murder squad just happened to have arrived an hour earlier for a sight seeing trip.

They were very brave. Despite Khashoggi’s terrifying behaviour my men were able to calm him down by cutting off his fingers one by one then beating the crap out of him. It was shortly after that when we thought we had Khashoggi under control that he suddenly had a surge of strength. He turned into The Incredible Hulk. I’m not lying! He went green and grew rippling muscles. He brushed my men aside as if they were rag dolls and ran to the maintenance room where, despite my brave death squad’s best efforts to stop him, he grabbed a hack saw and cut himself into tiny pieces in front of us.

My men were traumatised. All they could bring themselves to do was to pack the bits and pieces of the Khashoggi leftovers into plastic bags, evenly distribute these into fifteen vehicles, and then pop out for some fresh air, all heading in different directions with the vehicle tracking devices switched off.”

The members of the media appeared sceptical at Prince IBS’ account and pressed for further clarity. A reporter from the UK comic The Beano challenged the Prince’s version of events citing a) Khashoggi was a non violent man, b) It’s impossible to cut oneself up into tiny pieces and c) The Incredible Hulk is a fictional character.

In response, saying nothing, the Prince raised his arm and pointed at the journalist. Moments later four heavily built men wearing towels on their heads appeared, slipped a plastic bag over the journalist’s head then manhandled him from the room.

When the Prince then asked if there were any more questions there were none.

It is understood that President Trump, in a gesture of goodwill to the Sadlis, has invited Prince IBS’ hit squad to America for a short ‘rest and recuperation’ break to recover from their trauma. He is to provide them each with a fully equipped RV for their vacation, and parking spaces on the street outside Hillary Clinton’s house.

“In a two corner contest between truth and money,” said the President, “there will only ever be one winner.”

 
President Trump Body Slams American Values In Awkward Montana Rally

President Trump Body Slams American Values In Awkward Montana Rally

Donald Trump Hires Stoners To Deal With Venezuela's Poverty Crisis, Marco Rubio Is Attacked By Shark

Donald Trump Hires Stoners To Deal With Venezuela's Poverty Crisis, Marco Rubio Is Attacked By Shark