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Lindsey Graham Disowned By Secret Iranian Family

Lindsey Graham Disowned By Secret Iranian Family

Lindsey Graham, Republican Senator from South Carolina, has been disowned by his secret Iranian family after comments about his heritage.

“What he said about us is simply horrific,” Graham’s father-in-law Papak Tehrani said.

The episode began with Senator Elizabeth Warren’s announcement that she had Native American blood in her veins, satisfying a bet President Donald Trump had offered during a campaign stop in Montana on July 5. Trump has denied making the bet, then said he didn’t remember making it, then switched his story to say that he had to administer the DNA test, himself, for it to count.

Not willing to be let out of any fun that involves racism or xenophobia, Senator Graham, in an interview with Fox and Friends, talked about the horror of taking a DNA test and learning one’s ancestry.

“I’ll probably be Iranian,” he joked. “That’d be, like, terrible.”

Graham’s comments, however, did not come across as well in Iran as they did in the Deep South.

“What am I supposed to tell our children?” Graham’s wife, Jaleh Tehrani, asked, clutching young Javad Graham’s head to her shoulder. “That their father thinks us abhorrent?”

Father-in-law Papak, on the other hand, was already taking steps to protect his daughter.

“Graham’s careless words about the heritage of his family have violated the terms of our marriage,” Mr. Tehrani exclaimed. “The mahr is hereby rescinded! Mr. Graham owes us 10 million rial!”

No one in Mr. Graham’s office would comment on the matter.

 
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