Alex Jones Investigates The Lethal Lesbian Lizards Of Lithuania
Infowars creator Alex Jones visited Lithuania to investigate reports of lethal lesbian lizards causing chaos in the country. According to Jones, both US President Donald Trump and Russian Overlord Vladimir Putin personally instructed him to collect intelligence on the revolutionary reptiles. These creatures were reportedly placed in Lithuania as eggs during the Obama administration with a plan to demoralize the population through the reptilian control of the media and academia with subversive tactics to shame and emasculate the nation's youth, leaving the country susceptible to foreign invasion.
"These lizards are fully grown lesbian reptiles, you see," said Jones to a Flake News reporter also covering the case. "This is different than gay frogs and transgender toads. These aren't innocuous amphibians just minding their own business looking to live their lives. These are globalist lizards with a socialist agenda looking to control your children!"
According to Jones, the lizards are "subversive agents sent to destabilize the entire frickin' region! They'll set up shop in college campuses, influence and infiltrate the media and government with anti-male frog propaganda in the hopes that it'll bring down what they've labelled the 'perpetually-oppressive cis-gender hetero-normative capitalist amphibian patriarchy.' They want society as we know it crashing down to its knees once and for all."
The Infowars creator told Flake News that the lizards are currently lecturing college students about the dangers of frog culture, toad-spreading, and toxic amphibianity. "They're looking for revolution," said Jones. "They want to completely restructure the entire system to where only lesbian lizards will benefit."
"And those demons Obama and Hillary are to blame," said Jones. "They're pushing all this crap on our kids and now we got lethal lesbian lizards in Lithuania looking to bring the world to crisis! The globalists will stop at nothing until they're able to control the entire planet!"
Photo by Mark Taylor from Rockville, USA | CC-BY-2.0