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Mike Pence Volunteers As An Altar Boy During His Spare Time

Mike Pence Volunteers As An Altar Boy During His Spare Time

US Vice President Mike Pence reportedly volunteers as an altar server in Washington, D.C., according to a declassified FBI report released to Flake News. The report suggests that Pence signed on as an altar boy in the Archdiocese of Washington in mid-August 2018, shortly after he heard about the priest-pedophilia controversy in Pennsylvania involving over 300 "predator priests."

Pence is an Evangelical, born-again Christian. Despite having a different religious background, the vice president has reportedly told government agents that he feels like "a great fit for the Catholic Church, especially when it comes to working closely and intimately with priests."

The vice president is allegedly being mentored by Cardinal Donald Wuerl, the former archbishop of Washington, D.C. Wuerl has been accused of covering up numerous sexual abuse scandals while acting as the bishop of Pittsburgh.

Pence has reportedly told agents that "Wuerl is really good at transferring priests to other parishes so that they'll continue to abuse little boys. And if it's all the same with you, I'd like to be sent down to Pennsylvania where the church is said to have a more hands-on approach when it comes to their altar servers."

FBI reports regarding Pence's involvement in the Catholic Church came to light as a result of an investigation being conducted into the vice president's gerbil assault allegations. As of this writing, the FBI investigation remains active and ongoing.

According to the report, Pence has already "made friends" with several priests at the Archdiocese of Washington. However, the vice president is said to be "looking for more action" and that "Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania sounds like a place that really knows how to show a Christian boy a good time."

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America | CC-BY-SA-2.0

Lindsey Graham Disowned By Secret Iranian Family

Lindsey Graham Disowned By Secret Iranian Family

Trump Pre-Blames Everyone Else For Expected Republican Defeat, Demands Russians Be Allowed To Vote In Midterms

Trump Pre-Blames Everyone Else For Expected Republican Defeat, Demands Russians Be Allowed To Vote In Midterms