Trump Demands Istanbul Saudi Embassy Invites Hillary Clinton Over To Investigate Following Disappearance Of Saudi Journalist
President Trump could hardly contain his fury at the news that the Saudi missing journalist, Jamal Kashoggi, was probably tortured, murdered then dismembered inside the Saudi Arabian embassy in Instanbul.
“The consequences to the Saudis for the disappearance of Kashoggi could be far reaching,” barked Trump during an interview with CBS News yesterday.
Khashoggi mysteriously disappeared on 2nd October this year after visiting his country’s consulate in Istanbul. CCTV footage obtained by the Turkish police shows the journalist entering the Saudi embassy but there is no evidence of his emerging from the building. Further, a Turkish newspaper, Sabah, claims that they have recordings of his interrogation and killing transmitted from the missing journalist’s Apple watch.
Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi was once a Saudi insider, rubbing shoulders with the Saudi royal family. He was a close aide to the kingdom’s former spy chief and was a leading voice in the country’s prominent newspapers. However, Khashoggi latterly became a strong critic of the Saudi Arabian de facto ruler, Prince Mohammed Bin Salman the so-called reforming prince who prefers to be addressed as simply MBS, something that sounds like a bowel disease.
Trump up till recently has persistently crowed about his close relationship with the mega-super rich warmonger and human rights abuser, IBS, but has now changed his tone towards the arrogant Sadli Backwardian prince.
“We can’t have these towel-headed bozos knocking off innocent journalists willy-nilly. There are a lot of guilty journalists and a few other ratbags they should be secretly dismembering instead. I call upon the Sadli Backwardians to immediately demand a special US investigation team, consisting of Robert Mueller, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Stormy Daniels and headed up by Hillary Clinton, to be sent to the Istanbul embassy right now to find out what really happened. I personally will ensure there are no CCTV cameras operating within two square miles of the embassy and that none of the investigating delegates will be wearing Apple watches.”
When asked why the president was so furious at the story of the missing journalist, he snapped, “These camel jockeys are loaded with dough, money that they’ve committed to spend on US weapons. Okay, they’ve got no morals or respect for women, human rights or anyone with a different opinion to them but neither have I… And they have deep pockets. They’ve already spent billions of dollars on bombs and other nasty stuff they’ve dropped on mud huts, markets, hospitals and schools in the Yemen, and they didn’t even flinch at the bill.”
The anger was clear on the president’s face when he added, “Then one dumb journo gets carved up for shooting his big fat mouth off about IBS’s hobby of waging a vicious proxy war in someone else’s country and the next thing you know IBS is threatening he no longer wants to buy our stuff. He’s thinking about shopping in Russia or China instead. If anyone’s gonna get fat and rich by selling death weapons to these ultra-right sand lizards it should be us Americans!”
“Put simply,” concluded the president, “It’s one fatso’s murder versus billions of dollars of trade. You do the math!”
Hillary Clinton declined to comment on whether or not she would head a delegation to the Istanbul Sadli Backwardian embassy, should she be invited. However, Stormy Daniels did respond with a message to remind prince IBS she takes all major credit cards.