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President Trump Launches New #HeToo Campaign

President Trump Launches New #HeToo Campaign

Hot on the heels of his successful effort to elevate Judge Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court, "President" Trump launched his new #HeToo Campaign while swearing the new justice in on October 8th. During the ceremony, Trump apologized to Kavanaugh and took Democrats to task for their, "campaign of personal destruction." He said that the fact that Democrats would target an individual and ruin him for political gains was disgusting and said Republicans were above such petty tactics.

Following a brief recess so Trump could tweet about Dr. Ford and the 50 years that it took her to bring up her fake news rape, Trump continued by announcing a campaign to bring attention to the real victims of sexual assault, the men being falsely accused. He continued, "You, sir, under the historic scrutiny and an investigation that lasted a whole week and interviewed nine people, were proven innocent. But it's not enough! Kavanaugh's life has been ruined! He may have the Supreme Court appointment but he can never teach or coach again. That is why I'm starting a new #HeToo campaign."

After the kegs were opened, we were able to talk to Judge Kavanaugh for a few minutes about the new campaign and his nomination fight.

Reporter: Considering that 1 in 5 women in the United States are the victims of sexual assault in their lifetime and that statistics show that only 2% of all rape accusations are false, is this really where we need to be focusing our attention?

Kavanaugh: Damn straight! Like Trump Jr. said, we live in a time where any woman can just make an accusation and the man's life is ruined. My life is over! I don't care about your numbers, I'm a victim!

Reporter: Most would say that becoming a Supreme Court Justice hardly equates to your life being over.

Kavanaugh: Oh, it's definitely over! I can teach those brilliant, young, sexy college girls anymore-err, I meant to say energetic college youth. But it's okay, I'll have my revenge! I mean, but I'll totally be fair in my decisions.

Reporter: So you mentioned that Devil's Triangle was a drinking game, were there any other drinking games that you and your friends created?

Kavanaugh: Let's see, we had the Donkey Punch, Kentucky Klondike Bar, and the Flying Camel.

At this point, Judge Kavanaugh quickly ended the interview to participate in a keg stand; so I talked to Sarah Huckabee Sanders about the new campaign.

Sarah said that the campaign would involve the shaming of rape accusers on the internet if they accused high profile Republicans which would obviously be false since Republicans have morals. Sarah also mentioned that the campaign is looking to hire Roy Moore as their spokesman and will begin its campaign by taking aim at "President" Trump's own accusers. Sarah said because the "President" has so many accusers, they would focus their resources on the most credible ones. Sarah then said, "We will fight this epidemic of fake sexual assault accusations and will show these women for who they really are, actresses hired by the Democrats and the Clintons!"

 

 
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