Lindsey Graham Has Verbal Outburst During The Hearing For Mike Pence's Gerbil Assault Allegations
Senator of South Carolina Lindsey Graham gave a passionate speech before the Senate Judiciary Committee on behalf of Vice President Mike Pence who was alleged to have assaulted two gerbils. The senator erupted with anger, reprimanding his Democrat colleagues for pouncing on Pence "with a smear campaign like no other" that "put presumption of innocence out to dry in favor of mob justice, gerbil-based identity politics, and partisanship by any means necessary."
Pence is alleged to have assaulted two gerbils, with one requiring hospitalization at the Trump International Pet Hospital/Hotel/Casino. The vice president has also been given a lifetime ban from buying or possessing small rodents and shrews. Last week, the animated musical group Alvin and the Chipmunks went missing after visiting Pence's home in Washington, D.C.
Graham told the committee that Pence has "an impeccable record that pays no mention to any tom-foolery with gerbils, chipmunks, or the like."
"If you wanted an FBI investigation, you could have come to us," said Graham. "But instead you attack a man with a smear campaign like no other. I've never seen anything like it in all my time in politics. Boy, do you guys want power. I hope you never get it. And if you see Joe Biden and Dick Cheney, you can tell them I said 'hello.' I would have never done this to them. Disgusting! You should all be ashamed!"
The senator asked Pence, "Do you consider this a job interview? Would you say you've been through hell?"
Pence replied by saying that "No, this isn't a job interview. I'm already VP, aren't I? And yes, I've been through hell, but mostly out of stress. I am very worried about the well-being of Alvin and the Chipmunks. I love those three little guys and I hope they're alright. My whole family has done all we can to help search for those three national treasures. Certainly, this has made mother and I very upset. And you, the American public, as you listen to this hearing: please be on the lookout as well for Alvin, Simon, and Theodore."
On Monday evening, President Trump ordered an FBI investigation to look into the allegations regarding Mike Pence's gerbil assault case.
A total of seven members of the group Gerbils Grab Back were arrested during Pence's Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, with some charging the room and causing a disruption. More than a dozen protesters from the group surrounded Arizona Senator Jeff Flake before he entered an elevator, yelling phrases such as "Shame!" and "You don't care about us!"
Gerald the Gerbil told the Senate Judiciary Committee that he can't remember the exact date of the incident, but "the memory of the assault still lingers on in haunting thoughts."
"I can smell that putrid stench in this courtroom today," said the gerbil. "And I can clearly recall that it was Mike Pence that put me in that uncomfortable, painful, and unsanitary predicament. My freedom was stolen from me and my friend Oliver remains in the hospital to this day because of his actions. Gerbils need to be believed!"