Grassley Naps And 'Boofs' During Kavanaugh Hearing
So far past his “use by” date that he’s starting to attract flies, Senate Judiciary Hearing Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley stunned fellow committee members and audience alike when he appeared to take intermittent nap breaks during the emotional testimony from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford accusing SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh of sexual assault. In a feeble effort to show a sense of “fair play,” he also “fell out” during the crocodile-tear-filled, spittle-flying bilge emanating from creepy Kavanaugh, himself.
The geriatric “public servant,” well into his 80s, known for his inane “Don’t pull the plug on grandma” comment, appeared to nod off several times during the day-long hearing. A contributor to Flake News, who was on site, confirmed the intermittent snooze-fests, saying, “After Dr. Blasey Ford adamantly stated that she was 100% sure it was Brett Kavanaugh who sexually assaulted her, Grassley’s head started to droop and one of his two pairs of glasses fell off his head and onto Senator Feinstein’s lap.”
The disgusted Senator from California glanced back at Grassley’s aid, who smacked him on the shoulder, thereby wakening him long enough to spout a nearly unintelligible stream of uber-partisan propaganda.
“Honest to God,” said our source, “The guy talks like he’s got a hairball stuck in his throat. Everyone pretended like they understood him, but you could see they didn’t. Senator Graham, in particular seemed very confused.”
As if falling asleep during a history-making event wasn’t sufficiently embarrassing, Grassley, after listening to Kavanaugh’s explanation of “boofing,” which he described as the releasing of “flatulence,” commonly known by us common folk as “farting,” did indeed “boof” himself, releasing a noxious cloud that literally poisoned the proceedings, causing several people, Senator Feinstein included, to hold their noses.
According to our source, after a game attempt to “hang in there,” a handful of Senators rushed from the room, Senator Durbin among them, who growled, “It’s time to unseat that old p---k.”
The gassy Grassley could not be reached for comment.
Sculpted in Plastalina Clay, molded and cast in latex. Makeup hand-painted. Hair hand-placed. Glasses. Who wears two at a time?