Alex Jones Briefly Detained In Russia After Officiating Transgender Toad Wedding
Infowars creator Alex Jones was briefly detained in Russia on Thursday after he was suspected of breaking the globalist gay frog wedding ban levied against him. Jones was detained for 12 hours by Russian authorities in Moscow after he had officiated a wedding for a transgender toad couple. Jones had received authorization from US President Donald Trump who got the okay from Vladimir Putin to officiate a wedding for transgender toads within Russia. However, authorities within Moscow were not aware of the arrangement made between Trump and Putin at the time of Jones' arrest and detainment.
Jones told Flake News reporters that "they are [the globalists] cracking down on freedom of expression and speech. They won't even let me wed frickin' frogs that are gay! They almost tried to get me locked up for good in Russia for trying to bring two transgender toads together. This is beyond ridiculous, folks!"
Multiple government and wildlife agencies banned Jones from the practice of officiating weddings for homosexual humans and amphibians of any kind. However, Jones’ attorney pointed out that transgender toads, though amphibian in nature, are not homosexual. Jones was released after his attorney pointed this out to authorities in Moscow.
Putin released a statement to the public shortly after Jones was released from custody. In the statement, the Russian president said that, "Although this state generally produces a hostile environment towards the LGBTQ+ community, we must respect the rights of Alex Jones and of our beloved toads. However, there will be no weddings for transgender amphibians going forward within Mother Russia. The only reason I gave the okay for this specific case is because I owed another favor to Trump. I'd also like to note that the prohibition against pro-gay frog propaganda remains in full effect."
There has been a particularly hostile environment for the LGBTQ+ amphibian community in the Chechen Republic. Since February 2017, there have been reports of more than 100 male gay and bi-sexual frogs being abducted and tortured by Chechen authorities. The head of the Chechen Republic Ramzan Kadyrov is known for his authoritarian-style crackdowns against the LGBTQ+ community, both human and amphibian.
Kadyrov said in a press statement that he "would not have tolerated the presence of Jones or those transgender toads within Chechen soil. Although, Russia thinks we're one of its territories, we act independently of the Kremlin. Furthermore, we are our own autonomous oblast that is very much against the decision of Putin in regards to allowing this perversion to subsist in Moscow. We want no part of Russia or its dealing with Jones and his strange obsession with gay frogs, transgender toads, and the like."
Jones told Flake News reporters that he's coming back to the United States soon and will continue to officiate weddings for transgender amphibians.
"These globalists are beyond the pale," said Jones. "If they want to lock me up for doing something I love, if they want to lock me up for making sure two transgender toads in love are married, then lock me up!"
Photo by Tyler Merbler from USA | CC-BY-2.0